Dead Drunk II: Dawn of the Deadbeats (Dead Drunk: Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse... One Beer at a Time Book 2) Read Online Free PDF Page B

fiancé. “Yeah, they’re totally at a strip club.”
    The group of
women had enjoyed their own wild night of partying and recently returned to
Jen’s condo to wind down. Still, it hadn’t been completely wild. Lots of
flirting, some sitting on laps, a few makeout sessions, but not the
pants-crapping insane bender the guys were currently having.
    “You don’t
seem that pissed. I’m fuming over here,” Cindy said as she fought the urge to
call her husband again. The pregnant fitness instructor was the sole sober one
of the group and was currently thinking up numerous ways to make Jim miserable
over his indiscretions. Withholding sex was always an old standby. Minimal
effort, maximum payback.
    Jen shrugged.
“Boys will be boys.”
    Jackie, Jen’s
maid of honor, came in from the kitchen with a freshly opened bottle of red
wine. “If I catch Bruce up to no good I’ll send his pasty butt packing in a
heartbeat. Once that business starts, it never stops.” The Southside native and
daughter of a former congressman had an authoritative air about her, and what
she said was definitely not a bluff. “But who goes out for hotdogs when you
have steak at home? Am I right ladies?” she said and grabbed her own breasts
for emphasis.
     “I’ll
try a bit of that steak,” said Kelly, another friend, and tried to grab a boob,
only to have Jackie playfully slap her hand away. Kelly was one-half of the
identical twins known affectionately as the “Nut and the Slut.” She was the
slut. By a mile. Her sister Monica had already passed out in a spare bedroom
after downing too many shots of tequila. The poor girl never even made it to
the bar and was now sleeping with her high heels on and a gum wrapper stuck to
her forehead.
    “Seriously
though, and I mean no offense, but Blake’s college friends are losers,” Jackie
said. “Why does he even hang out with those guys?” She received an instant
dirty look from Cindy. Her husband was one of those losers.
    “It’s one of
those situations where he feels stuck with them. But to be honest, he won’t be
seeing most of them after the wedding. I’ll see to that. They’re holding him
back.” She looked to Cindy. “Not Jim, of course. He’s solid as a rock.”
    Now it was
Padma’s turn to speak. She was Jen’s college roommate, a great friend, and even
better trauma surgeon. “Blake’s friends are lame, but is it true what they say
about Big Rob?”
    “What about
him?’ Jen said.
    “That he’s
hung like John Dillinger?”
    “I have no
idea what that means, but you have my full attention,” Kelly said and Jen
shrugged as well.
    “There was a
story in our anatomy class about John Dillinger… you know, the famous bank
robber? Anyways, there was a rumor that he was so big he had to have his pants
specially tailored to fit his enormous junk. Supposedly after the cops killed
him right here in Chicago, historians pickled the old pickle – for posterity,
I‘m sure. Other rumors say it’s still floating around the Smithsonian
somewhere.”
    Jen nodded.
“I’m pretty sure it’s true. Rob’s about the size of Shaquille O’Neal, so if
he’s just proportionate… but the guy’s a total teddy bear and kind of a
simpleton, so he probably wouldn’t know what to do with it anyway.”
    “I can show
him,” Kelly said with an impish grin. “But speaking of Blake’s friends, weren’t
you going to set Padma up with that Vidu guy?” The dark-skinned beauty threw a
pillow at Kelly and she almost spilled her beer.
     “Watch
it, hookers. You spill, you pay,” Jen said and eyed her white carpet for any
damage.
    Padma was not
finished. “Just because I’m Indian doesn’t mean I’d date that guy because he’s
Sri Lankan. Not to mention he’s a complete moron. I only met him briefly, but
I’d swear that guy is  inbred. Besides—”
    The
conversation was interrupted by the loud buzz of the intercom system. “Miko’s
delivery,” came the voice on the other