Dead Air: A Talk Radio Mystery Read Online Free PDF Page A

have to say, I’ve read all your books and I think you’re just amazing. You’re my hero!”
    The guru gave a mock-humble bow. “I am but a channel, a funnel for all of life’s mysteries, a river for spiritual healing. But if I have helped you in some small way, then I am gratified.”
    He glanced over at the two thugs at the door, and they nodded approvingly. I bet they had heard this all before.
    “And your question is . . . ,” I repeated, breaking up the lovefest.
    “Well, I’m getting a lot of bad vibrations from my boss. I can see his aura, and let me tell you, it’s mighty scary. I think he might be trying to control my mind.”
    “You were very wise to call me today, Thelma.” The guru’s voice was low and soothing. “Because I can feel some very negative energy emanating from the phone and disturbing the glowing white light at the center of your being. You are right to be alarmed.” He paused. “Let me guess. Are you calling from work at this very moment?”
    “Why, yes! Yes, I am calling from work.” Thelma sounded awestruck. “That’s incredible; you really are psychic!”
    “When you are in tune with the universe, it cannot surprise you. I know all of its secrets. Now, how can I help you?”
    “I guess I need some specific ways to deal with my boss,” she said hesitantly. “I’ve read Heal the Cosmos, Heal Yourself , and I tried out some of the things you suggested.”
    “Ah, yes, Heal the Cosmos , my latest release. It’s only $6.95 in paperback and just $12.95 for the audio version. Both are available on my Web site, GuruSanjay.com , and at fine bookstores everywhere.”
    Before Thelma could reply, Vera Mae piped up, “Say, Thelma, did you ever read a book called Working with Jerks ? It’s my bible. I bet it could give you some tips on how to deal with this guy.”
    “I’ve never heard of it, but I could look it up on Amazon—”
    “Here is what you must do, Thelma,” Guru Sanjay cut in swiftly. “You must stand firm as a spiritual seeker and not let any negativity influence your aura. You have within you the power to be a healer, a human energy force field, and you must emit only good energy.” He paused dramatically. “Do you understand me? You have the power within you, Thelma. Never forget that.”
    I think he stole that line from Glinda, the Good Witch, in The Wizard of Oz , but I could tell Thelma was falling head over chakras for it. I hated to admit it, but put him in front of a mike and the guy had charisma. He had an uncanny way of tapping into people’s thoughts and feelings and telling them what they wanted to hear. All good performers have this talent, and I reminded myself that sociopaths are experts at reading people and scoring on their hopes and dreams.
    “Yes, I do have the power!” Thelma gushed. “You’ve helped me so much, Guru. I’ll never be able to thank you!”
    Again, the modest bow. Difficult to do sitting down, especially with an expanding gut in the way. Funny, but on television, he looked imposing, not fat, and I wondered whether he wore a corset for his public appearances.
    “I am but an instrument. I am here today merely to explain the mysteries of the cosmos, through my understanding of kinetics and the human energy field.”
    That’s all, just the mysteries of the cosmos? Maybe next week he can tackle global warming and the Middle East crisis. Oh, yeah, and the Riemann hypothesis; I’ve never been quite clear on how that works.
    Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Vera fingering her selection of signs. I just knew she was itching to hold up the BS! one. I gave her a tired smile as we headed into a Sassy Snippers commercial.
    Who knew I would actually welcome the chance to hear about Twyla Boyd’s hair salon and her Thursday special on foils and perms?
    Anything was better than the mystical mumbo jumbo coming from the guru!
    “I can’t believe you met him,” Lark Merriweather said later that day. “If I could meet Guru Sanjay, even