Daughters of Iraq Read Online Free PDF Page A

time, do you understand?” Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her breathing grew ragged.
    “Do you understand?” Noa caught her breath. “I wanted to get used to her absence before she was even gone. I tried to see what it was like to live without her, and the whole time I knew that when it got to be too much, I’d have a place to go, and she’d always welcome me with a smile. I didn’t think about her ,” she said, bowing her head. “I didn’t think about how hard it was for her, don’t you see?” I only thought about myself,” she said again, pointing her index finger at herself, jabbing it into her ribs. “I never thought about how I wasn’t there for her on a daily basis. I withdrew while she was still with us, and I didn’t take advantage of the time we had left. And for that I can never forgive myself.”
    “Oh, my child,” Aunt Farida said, taking Noa’s hands in her own. “Now listen—listen very closely. Your mother was glad you were busy, that you had a full and productive life, and that you were a successful army officer. At first she was sad when you enlisted, but when she saw how good it was for you, she was happy. And when you became the first officer in our family, she was so proud. She talked about it all the time. The truth is, she was relieved you didn’t see her suffer. She wanted to shield you from her pain; she knew how hard her illness was on you. Your mother talked about you all the time, told me everything you told her, every detail. And to every detail, she piled on her own blessings. Your mother didn’t expect you, a girl of nineteen, to sit with her all day and watch her suffer. You’re a kind and sensitive soul, Noa’le; your mother would have been just as proud of you today. It’s good that you think about her, that you miss her. It’s good, my girl. But sadness?” She stroked Noa’s face. “What a waste,” she said. “Really, that’s no good. Oh, the pastries are burning.” She shuffled over to the oven to take out the dessert, which was truly on the verge of ruin.
    Noa tried to digest what she’d been told. There were so many things she hadn’t known. She’d never realized her mother had understood her, that she hadn’t been angry with her. She was struck by how much she didn’t know about her mother.
    Aunt Farida stood behind Noa and stroked her long hair. “Shhh . . . shhh . . . it’s alright,” she whispered. “Everything’s alright, my child, my dear one. It’s good that you told me all these things. It’s good to cry, to release it all. You know I’m always here for you, my darling, no matter what . . . How did we get to the point of tears? You must have been thinking about these things for a long time.”
    Aunt Farida walked around and stood in front of Noa. Her voice was gentle. “Now listen very carefully to what I’m about to tell you. You’re a big girl. You’re independent. You’re everything your mother wanted you to be, from the time you were in the womb. She wanted a girl exactly like you: sensitive, smart, thoughtful, loving. Even when you were little, you made your mother so proud. And I know your mother, of blessed memory, is looking down now and marveling at what a good job she did raising you. You’re an adult. You’re strong.” She spoke slowly. “And for that reason, for that very reason . . .” She paused, considering her words. “It’s for that reason I can now give you something I couldn’t give you before.”
    “What is it, Aunt Farida? What do you want to give me?” Noa’s eyes were wide.
    “Your mother’s diary,” Farida said quietly.
    They regarded each other in silence. Noa shook off her aunt’s hands and wiped her eyes.  When she spoke, her voice was a combination of surprise and fury. “A diary . . . what kind of diary? What are you talking about? Since when was there a diary? Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner? How dare you hide this from me?” Noa couldn’t believe the person who’d