Dancing Towards the Blade and Other Stories Read Online Free PDF Page A

the tube station, her control returning with every step.
    She’d been angry with herself for behaving as she had in the pub, but what else could she do? There was no way she could take all that loose change home with her, was there?
    As she walked on she realised that actually, there had been things she could have done, and she chided herself for being so stupid. She could have asked the woman behind the bar to change the coins into notes. Those were more easily hidden. She could have grabbed the coins, left with a smile and made some beggar’s day.
    She needed to remember. It was important to be careful, but she always had options.
    She reached into her handbag for the mints. Popped one into her mouth to mask the smell of the wine. The taste of it.
    As she walked down the steps to Highgate station, she dropped a hand into her pocket, groping around until she could feel her wedding ring hot against the palm of her hand. There was always that delicious, terrifying second or two, as her fingers moved against the lining of her pocket, when she thought she might have lost it, but it was always there, waiting for her.
    She stood on the platform, the ring tight in her fist until the train came in. Then, just as she always did, she slipped the ring, inch by dreadful inch, back on to her finger.
    Lee pushed his chicken Madras round the plate until it was cold. He’d lost his appetite anyway. He’d ordered the food before the row and now he didn’t feel like it, so that was another thing that was Rachel’s fault.
    She’d be in the bedroom by now, crying.
    She never cried when it was actually happening. He knew it was because she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, or some such crap. That only proved what a stupid cow she was, because he couldn’t stand to see her cry, to see any woman cry, and maybe if she did cry once in a while he might ease off a bit.
    No, she saved it up for afterwards and he could hear it now, coming through the ceiling and putting him off his dinner.
    The row had been about the same thing they were all about.
    Her, taking the piss.
    He’d backed down on this afternoon walking business, on her going out to the woods of an afternoon on her own. He’d given in to her, and today she’d been gone nearly six hours. Half the day and no word of an apology when she’d eventually come strolling through the front door.
    So, it had kicked off.
    Lee was bright, always had been. He knew damn well that it wasn’t just about her staying out of the house too long. He knew it all came down to the pills.
    There’d been a lot more rowing, a lot more crying in the bedroom since he’d found that little packet tucked behind her panties at the back of a drawer. He was clever enough to see the irony in that as well. Contraceptive pills, hidden among the sexy knickers he’d bought for her.
    He’d gone mental when he’d found them, obviously. Hadn’t they agreed that they were going to start trying for a kid? That everything would be better once they were a family? He was furious at the deceit, at the fool she’d made of him, at the time and effort he’d wasted in shafting her all those weeks beforehand.
    There’d been a lot more rowing since.
    Christ, he loved her though. She wouldn’t get to him so much if it wasn’t for that, wouldn’t wind him up like she did. He could feel it surging through him as he lost his temper and it caused his whole body to shake when it was finished, and she crawled away to cry where he couldn’t see her.
    He hoped she knew it – now, with her face buried in a sopping pillow – he hoped she knew how much he loved her.
    Lee dropped his fork and slid his hand beneath the plate, wiggling his fingers until it sat, balanced on his palm. Then he jerked his forearm and sent the plate fast across the kitchen.
    Watched his dinner run down the wall.
    He watched them.
    He lay on the grass, just another sun-worshipper, with his arm folded across his head he spied on them through a