Kobiyashi Maru, the man behind the Corbomite Maneuver, the man who took the Enterprise to the Genesis planet to return Spockâs katra , the man who I had admired since I was eight years old, was
immediately transformed into WILLIAM FUCKING SHATNER.
I bit my lip, and turned to say good-bye to the still photographer who had made the
introduction, but he had vanished as well.
I walked back to my own stage with my head down, avoiding eye contact the entire way. When
I got to the entrance, I found Mandy, and asked her to unzip my costume, so I could put my
fleece back on.
As she unzipped the back, she said, âdid you get to meet William Shatner?â
âYeah.â I didnât want to let on that I was upset.
âWhatâs wrong?â she asked, as she handed me my fleece jacket. There was concern in her
eyes.
âWell . . .â I hesitated. Saying it out loud would make it real. âHe was a dick to
me.â
Her eyes widened, and she gasped. âWhat?! Why? What happened?!â
I fought back tears, and recounted our introduction.
âWhat an asshole!â She said, âOh, Wil, I am so sorry!â
I nodded my head, and she gave me a hug. I drew a deep breath, shrugged my shoulders, and
walked back to my trailer, where I sat down and cried. I had spent weeks getting up the
courage to meet this man, and in less than five minutes he had insulted and humiliated me. He
had reduced me from peer to peon. I had worn my stupid costume, thinking that it would matter
to him, and heâd made fun of it.
15 minutes later, an assistant director knocked on my door, and told me that they were
ready for me on the set. I stood up, wiped my face off, and told him that Iâd need to make a
quick stop at the makeup trailer on my way. He radioed this information to the 1st AD, and
told me to hurry.
I walked to the makeup trailer, taking great pains to look at the ground, the walls, the
sky . . . anything that would keep my head turned away from the Star Trek
V stage.
I sat in the chair, and my makeup artist, Jana, began to touch me up.
âI heard about what Shatner did to you.â she said. âFuck him. Heâs a jerk, and has been
for years. Heâs probably just jealous that youâre younger, better looking, and more famous
than he is.â
I sighed. I didnât want him to be a jerk, and I didnât think that he was jealous of
anything. I was certain that Iâd done something wrong.
âI guess so.â I said, as noncommittally as I could.
She put down her makeup sponge, and turned the chair away from the mirror, so I was facing
her. She looked me in the eye, and said, âDonât let him upset you, Wil. Heâs not worth
it.â
âOkay,â I lied. I knew I was going to be upset about this for a long time.
âOkay,â she said, and dusted my nose with translucent powder.
I walked into the stage, and took my seat on the bridge of the Enterprise
D , next to Brent Spiner.
âI heard about Shatner,â Brent said.
Jesus, was this on the news or something?
âYeah,â I said.
âYou know he wears a toupee, right?â
I giggled. âNo, I didnât know that.â
âYep. Heâs balder than old baldy up there.â He tossed a gold thumb over his shoulder at
Patrick.
I giggled some more, as the stored up adrenaline coursed through my veins. âBoy, thatâs
pretty bald.â
âYep.â Brent put his hands up on his console.
The first AD said, âThis will be picture,â and we all focused.
âPicture is up! Very quiet please!â He shouted, âRoll camera!â
â25 apple, take 1,â the sound mixer said, âSound has speed!â
The camera assistant clapped the slate.
âAction!â said the director.
Patrick entered from his Ready Room, and walked to the captainâs chair.
âMister Crusher, take us out of