Dancer Read Online Free PDF Page A

hurts. My memory lit up with visions of the brutal time I'd lost my virginity.
    Caleb was the one who'd popped my cherry.
    Interrupting my musings, Dr. Thomas mumbled something about transvaginal ultrasound . A few additional keyboard clicks and a strange picture appeared on the monitor. She pressed another button that froze the image.
    Skeletal, it resembled the outline of an alien creature and morphed in and out of focus. Thomas pointed out the head, arms and spine.
    Guilt slipped into my conscience. Intense guilt. I closed my eyes.
    "No, you have to look," Thomas ordered, jabbing my cervix with the vibrator. "Look at the screen, please."
    Suck it up, Sam. The sooner you do, the sooner you can get this shit over with. Get the hell outta here.
    I peeked.
    "Gestational age is ten weeks and four days," she said.
    Did I really need to know this? Really?
    Dr. Thomas manipulated the device. The sound of a beating heart flooded the room.
    A heartbeat that raced as quickly as mine. Synchronized.
    Oh Jesus Christ. Oh dear god.
    I took a closer look at the screen while my tiny baby's fluttering heartbeat flowed in my ears, tickling my maternal senses.
    Thump thump thump thump.
    "I can't. I can't do this." I yanked out the wand and hoisted myself upright. "I'm sorry for wasting your time, Dr. Thomas."
    "You have to do what you think is best." She clasped her hands together. I couldn't tell if she was annoyed or apathetic.
    I stood, grabbed my clothes and got dressed in front of her. I didn't give a shit what she thought of me or my abrupt decision. She was welcome to judge me as much as she wished.
    It wouldn't be the first time someone did.
    Thomas quietly stepped aside and I left.
    "Good luck," the doctor called.
    Upon reaching the waiting area, I threw my arms around Allison. "I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it." Waves of relief came to erase all doubt.
    I'd made the right choice for myself. For better or worse.
    "It's okay Sam, it's okay." Allison stroked my back. "There's nothing written in stone that says you can't have the baby. People do it all the time. I'll help you any way I can. You know I will."
    I know, Allison. And as I've already wondered a million times, what in shit's name would I do without you?
    Would there ever come a time when I'd truly have to face that question?
    * * * *
    C ourtesy of taking me on romantic dates and lavishing me with elegant dinners, Caleb slowly slimed his way back into my life.
    During the next four weeks he showed his best side. Pretended he'd changed. Promised he'd begun therapy to deal with his issues. He pretended so well that I started believing him; because maybe people could change. Maybe I should give him another chance.
    Everyone deserved a second chance. Even assholes like Caleb.
    Furthermore, I hadn't regretted my decision in keeping the baby. Caleb, my baby and I could make a perfect little family. Anything was possible, no matter how small the odds.
    No matter how much they were stacked against us.
    Naturally there was just one problem—er two. I hadn't told my parents about the pregnancy. I hadn't told Caleb either.
    Wouldn't be much longer before I'd start showing. Time was ticking, dwindling.
    How much deeper would this hole get? Would I end up buried beneath this self-made mess?
    Caleb wanted me to move into his apartment. Would my being pregnant by another man ruin Caleb's plans? Turn his optimism into bitterness? His sweetness to jealousy?
    Nope. I couldn't take that chance. I wanted to enjoy Caleb a little longer before telling him.
    I, Sam. The hopeless procrastinator.
    Presently safe within the privacy of my room, I lay in bed and pilfered the slight swelling of my belly. Fascinated by this new creation inside, I poked and nudged.
    Hey you in there. Are you a boy or girl? Will you have my dark hair? My big brown eyes?
    Or will you possess The Dancer's hypnotic green eyes?
    Since I had a baby bump, I made excuses not to have sex with Caleb. Those excuses were getting