you give me your stink eye. Not at all intimidating, but hot as hell.”
“Farah calls your boss Coop the Poop.”
“Does she now?” he said, still grinning as he slowed the SUV because of midday traffic.
“Judd rhymes with crud.”
“Yes, it does. Also rhymes with stud.”
Now, I was grinning. “Men are always saying they’re studs. They can’t all be studs or else the word wouldn’t mean anything.”
Judd glanced at me. “Are you challenging to prove my stud credentials?”
“Maybe.”
Our eyes met and held in that moment. Even though he sported those tattoos and I feared how strong he was and how easy it would be for him to hurt me, I was curious. About how his powerful arms would feel wrapped around me. About how his full lips would feel tasting mine. Would he kiss me soft or rough? Would he hold me too tightly and cause me to panic or would he know just how snug to keep me against him? I wanted to know what he felt like. Based on the look in Judd’s eyes, he wanted to know too.
Judd blinked and looked away. Frowning, he stared hard at the road as if angry with it. Maybe he was angry with himself? Then, he took a deep breath and let it all out. When his blue eyes found me again, they lacked the questioning hunger from moments earlier. He was back under control and I hated the distance between us now.
“You’re going to stop distracting me while I drive,” he said and there was no humor in his voice. “Do you understand?”
“Jeans tight?” I asked, daring him.
Judd narrowed his eyes at me in a rather scary way. Instead of shirking away from him, I remembered how it was his job to get me to Ellsberg safely. Narrowing my eyes, I glared right back at him. We held those angry gazes for a few minutes then he grinned.
“Yes,” he said, answering my question as he stared at the now moving traffic. “So shut up, will ya?”
Smiling, I leaned against the window. I had flirted for the first time in my life and it felt amazing. Sharing my ugly secrets, even if just a little of them, hadn’t made me feel like a piece of shit either. I felt stronger now, more adult, and less afraid of my past.
I couldn’t wait to tell Farah. She watched out for me over the years and I knew she worried I’d end up a loser with a dead-end job and an angry husband and rowdy kids. I’d be the sister she loved, but hated to have around for the holidays. Farah would never tell me these fears, but I knew she felt them. Yet, she would be proud of me for not hiding from Judd, even if he scared the crap out of me. Not only did he remind me of my dad who could lash out randomly, but Judd reminded me of those bikers. They claimed to be studs too.
Silence felt good as I was haunted by thoughts of the week as a motorcycle club’s plaything. I told myself it was too long ago to care about, but that was a lie. After so long with so many men, there was no washing away that week.
Judd said nothing until nearly four when we pulled into a Denny’s in Oklahoma. We were seated in a booth near a table full of noisy kids. Our waitress was friendly and I focused on her, instead of the people around me. Weeks alone in the motel had made me downright paranoid about people.
After Jennifer brought our food, Judd finally acknowledged me sitting across from him. I liked having his gaze on me, even though his eyes held a sadness to them. No matter if they were cold or hard or emotionless, I always felt the sadness. I didn’t think many people would notice because of his handsome, yet intimidating face. Women would want him. Men would fear him. I just wondered where the sadness came from and if I might help it fade?
“I’m almost eighteen.”
“It’s just an age.”
“I’ll be able to vote,” I said, watching him while he studied the menu.
“Voting doesn’t do anything except make people feel important.”
“I’m doing it anyway.”
“Good for you.”
“You should vote. You can get one of those ‘I vote. I count’