Dads: A gay couple's surrogacy journey in India Read Online Free PDF

not.
    I also don't really understand why they need to know how much we are worth. Because even if they are worried about us being able to pay for the treatment, an income statement is no guarantee of payment. Credit card payment up front OR a bank draft would provide better security and a lot less intrusion into the customer's privacy. Because how much fun is it to e-mail my bank and tax statements halfway across the world to pretty much complete strangers?
    This whole process is extremely taxing emotionally while trying to maintain our everyday routine and running a business. And if you don't understand why you're asked to go through certain motions, it makes things even worse.
    In hindsight, I'm sure we'll look back upon this and smile, but right now I'm quite frustrated, hurt and I have a terrible headache and no more answers than I had yesterday. To top it all off, the manager is traveling and won't be back for another week. Great.
    Patience is only a virtue for those who have nothing left to live for!

 

May 25, 2012: Surrogacy: an emotional roller coaster...
     
    Dear Child!
     
    TGIF!
    My favorite acronym of all times. Almost there, but not quite. I still have to (have to? No, I want to!) get this blog post under my belt before I close off my laptop for the night…
    You know, one of the things I find most distressing about our process to become parents is the emotional roller coaster we're on. Please bear with me as I try to explain the not-always-simple emotional impact of things.
    First of all, a lot of the distress comes from the frustration of not being able to become a parent the “natural” way. It's frustrating to see how many moms and dads are out there who “oops” became parents, compliments of that extra drink or the 'pill' slipped into that glass or being too horny for their own good. I am envious and jealous of them for that brief four seconds they say it takes for a man to shoot his load up towards the waiting eggs…
    As a gay man, married to a wonderful man (your dad to be), we have always been ostracized with people telling us that being gay is a choice. Yeah right, walk in my shoes for 40 years and we'll have that discussion again… Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change myself for any money in the world, but I certainly never would've chosen to be a pariah voluntarily. That all I have to do is to find the “right girl” (this one is good, makes me smile). Society still doesn't accept our wish to become parents as something as natural as the next guy's or gal's. Sure, we don't get persecuted in Sweden any longer, we even get to marry (and pay the same taxes, do military service, etc), which costs society zilch, but society will not pay for our IVF treatments and surrogacy is illegal here.
    So, by choosing this road, we are pariahs. The evangelicals are booing because we are in violation with the laws of god, which they conveniently rewrite for every party gathering. The left is angry because we are exploiting women.
    So here we've just plunged into an emotional depth, and now we're feeling very low. Then we decide to try to become foster parents, because after all, adoption, while legally possible, is literally impossible because a. Sweden doesn't do more than a handful of domestic adoptions per year under the credo that children should be brought up by their bio-parents under almost all circumstances and b. the large donor countries refuse adopting to gay couples and so the local agencies don't dare to even talk to us, afraid to lose their supply of kids to the str8 couples as well…
    Your dad and I embarked on a two-year journey with psychological evaluations, home visits, interviews (the kind where they ask the same questions over and over and over, every single time you see them), references and training. We got done just before Christmas. About three months later came the phone call: we have a child! And all the happiness (can you feel us being pulled up again?) that ensued, looking