Cupid's Dart Read Online Free PDF Page A

would have scoffed at the possibility.'
    'That baby over there wasn't even f . . . wasn't even born.'
    'Well, exactly. Good point. Good point, Ange.'
    Don't overdo it, Alan. It's patronising.
    'I don't think he's three months old. What were the chances of his parents having a fuck that very night . . . oops, sorry . . .'
    'No, I don't mind it in that context, it's factual. I only object to it as a meaningless adjective.'
    'Oh. Well, I mean you don't fuck every night do you? Well, parents don't . . . and I mean, you don't conceive anything like every time, do you?'
    'No. Quite. What were the chances a year ago of you being on this train?'
    'Practically nil, cos I had a job last year, till that bitch on Reception started picking on me.'
    'Well there you are.' I was astounded to find myself feeling grateful to that bitch on Reception. If she hadn't picked on her, Ange wouldn't have been on the train. Oh, what a lovely bitch. I would quite like to find out where she was on Reception and go and thank her one day for being such a bitch. 'And to calculate the actual odds of everybody being on this train you would have to multiply the odds in every particular case. If your chances were a hundred to one and mine were a hundred to one then the chances of both of us being on the train are ten thousand to one before we bring in anybody else, yet here we all are and it doesn't seem remotely extraordinary.'
    'If it is ten thousand to one, we're lucky,' she said.
    'Lucky?'
    'I've enjoyed talking to you.'
    She had echoed my thoughts! I felt curiously moved, and rather embarrassed. Somewhat out of desperation, I offered her a banana which I happened to have in my briefcase. I haven't graduated to a laptop.
    'You've only got one,' she protested.
    'I'd like you to have it.'
    'Well, ta. Thanks.'
    She peeled the banana and raised it towards me.
    'Cheers.'
    'Cheers.'
    Silence fell loudly between us. She returned to her magazine, I to my notes, but the words were dancing. They didn't make sense. We must have remained silent for the best part of half an hour, and I realised that after fifty-five years of living I had insufficient social skills to be able to break that silence. Thank goodness she did.
    'Virgo.'
    'Yes.'
    She laughed, and began to read from the magazine.
    ' "A chance encounter with an interesting man could produce far reaching results." It says "man" cos it's a women's magazine so it's aimed at women, but in your case it would be an interesting woman, cos you're a man. Unless you're gay, which I don't think you are cos I can always spot them. Like down the Black Bull I knew Colin Parsley's so-called wife was a bloke before anybody. Hey, do you think I could be the interesting woman? Do you think I could produce far reaching results?' She began to read again. '"You must be quick off the mark or the opportunity will slip by. A generous impulse could have amazing results." '
    We were passing through Watford Junction.
    ' "A generous impulse",' repeated Ange. 'That could be the Pepsi you bought me.'
    'Hardly. You had to twist my arm.'
    'The banana, then. You gave me your only one.'
    'No. I'm afraid there was nothing generous about that. I hate bananas. No, I never have generous impulses, I'm never quick off the mark, and opportunities always pass me by.'
    'Oh well.'
    The train was slowing down. Soon we would be at Euston. I was amazed to discover that I didn't want Ange to disappear from my life. I wanted to see her again. I must see her again.
    This was absurd. We had nothing in common.
    I tried to ask her out, but the words froze in my mouth. Instead, I heard myself say, 'What does your horoscope say?'
    ' "You're in a bit of a rut, but you don't know it yet. You are not always able to distinguish between fantasy and real life. Now is a good time to make the distinction, especially early in the month. If you are made a surprising offer, you should accept it." '
    We were overtaking a tube train. It looked small and bald and vulnerable