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doesn’t seem to care.
    I’m scared shitless when I hear my phone ring from the nightstand, waking me from
     a restless sleep a while later.
    “Hello?”
    “Aye sis. Get down here n’ get him before I kill him.” Gin growls into the phone,
     clearly pissed off.
    “Okay,” I sigh. I just don’t have the fight in me anymore. Before all this, I would
     have told Gin to deal with it, but no one but me wants to deal with him anymore. I’m
     getting too tired of this shit myself.
    “Sis?” He calls before I can hang up.
    “Yeah?”
    “None of this is your fault, ya know that, right? It’s his issue, his problem. This
     is all Tanks fuck up.”
    Is it though? I want to believe him. I want his words to be the truth, but they’re
     not. He wouldn’t be feeling this way if it weren’t for me. I know it’s not my fault,
     but I do know I inadvertently played a hand in it.
    “Okay.”
    ****
    I finally got him into the house. It took Stitch and Rampage thirty minutes to convince
     him to get in the car with me when I showed up. He kept saying things like, “Why would
     I go with that bitch? She ruined my life.” Or,“I can’t even look at her. I love her
     so much it makes me sick.” How could that shit not hurt. The way he looked at me with
     such disdain killed me. They always say you speak the truth when you’re drunk.
    In my heart, I know he’s speaking from the heart. I know he feels that way; he doesn’t
     even have to say it ‘cause I can see it in his eyes when he looks at me. I also know
     he loves me, but struggles with it. This is a losing battle for the both of us now.
     I finally see it.
    “C’mere baby,” he grumbles at me from the doorway while I slip my clothes back off.
    “You should try and get some sleep.” I tell him when he sways on his feet and holds
     onto the doorframe. He’s leaning against the door shirtless, his jeans unbuttoned,
     and his boots missing as he stares holes though me with that look in his eyes. He’s
     not too drunk to get undressed, but he’s too drunk to reason with.
    “Not fuckin’ sleep babe. I wanna fuck my woman again.”
    I should have left him at the club. I should have let Gin just beat him.
    “Tank you’re drunk,” I tell him like he doesn’t already know. I’m stalling. I’m trying
     to push back the inevitable where I let him love me his way and then leave me feeling
     like shit.
    “Yeah, n’ you should shut the fuck up n’ get naked.”
    I never thought I’d be here with him. I never thought I’d love someone so much, yet
     hate them at the same time. He’s driving me to resent him. He’s pushing that hate
     into my heart. I’ve always wanted him. Since the moment we met, I’ve wanted him in
     my life. I always want him fucking me, I would have never turned him down. Now it
     just scares me. Will this last time be it? Will this last time be the time my love
     crumbles completely? Will this be the time he ruins me forever.
    I don’t know how we got here. How did I let him drift so far away from me? I go to
     him again anyway. No matter how much we hate each other on the surface, deep down
     there’s love. Deep down there’s so much more.
    Walking toward him, I know I can’t do it anymore. In my heart I can’t do this every
     day for the rest of my life. I can’t do it to myself or to him anymore. It’s not fair
     to either of us, but for tonight I can’t tell him no, no matter how much it hurts
     to say yes.

5
    Dirty Sheets
    Tank
                  I wake up alone in bed. I fucking hate that shit. Not waking up to her body near mine
     instantly sends my mood to shit. Sitting up, I look over to her side of the bed. The
     sheet is tore away from the mattress, and clothes are thrown all over the place. The
     comforter is barely hanging on to the edge of the bed ‘cause most of it’s on the floor.
     A little bit of her makeup is smeared on her pillow.
    I watched her dance in that bar last night. That body so goddamn