Confessions of a teacher: Because school isn't quite what you remember it to be... Read Online Free PDF

some meaningless words they are asked to write down at the start of each lesson.
     
     

You can take the teacher out of the school but not the school out of the teacher.
     
    A wind of change has been sweeping through the school since the head teacher announced his retiral at the end of last term, after fifteen years of good and loyal service. Of course, there is a big party planned in his honour. Everyone in the teaching profession will eventually get their special party, whether because they are retiring or because they are moving on to greener pastures. The grandiosity of the event is in equal proportion to the position. Take a “simple” teacher for example. The likelihood is that the whole staff will be assembled at a suitable time (usually coffee break) to hear, first the praise of that teacher by whoever is directly above them, then the response to the praise. The whole thing will end on the distribution of gifts under thunderous applauding. There may also be a small night out with immediate colleagues but that is much more of a private arrangement. On the other hand, if you are in charge of a department or simply in charge of something, things go slightly differently. You first go through the same procedure as a “normal” teacher but this is only part one. Part two consists in a well organised evening meal in some very posh place which will be attended by a fair number of staff members for a repeat of the praise and gift ritual. I dare not imagine what this one will be like with regards to the top man!
     
    The answer isn't long in coming as the big event is tonight. A huge amount of people are expected. Well I suppose this is the end of an era for many of us. As we walk into the enormous function room of the hotel, stylishly decorated with balloons and flowers for this special occasion, we are met by an equally enormous TV screen that bears the title “seating plan”. A seating plan? How did we not think of that? Isn't a seating plan the very first basic tool used by a teacher: Girl next to boy (they don't like it so it actually works) or little chatty Jim next to sweet, conscientious Callum who doesn't say a word? I wish I had such wonders of technology at my disposal. A giant screen with a seating plan would make my life much easier. A seating plan... Interesting. I wonder which criteria they've used for that one. The answer is simple: Seating people from the same department together. This should certainly make for an entertaining evening if the amount of feuds and hatred raging in some departments is anything to go by. Wouldn't it have been just as simple to put the name of the departments on the tables? Well, you wouldn't want to loose the wow factor of the giant screen now, would you?
     
    As I look around, I see poor Dora's expression of utter despair as she looks languidly in Ross Hall direction, wishing she could sit next to him. As for Eleanor Lawson, she sits at the top table due to her rank but it doesn't take a genius to work out that she would most certainly sit on the other side of handsome Ross if she had her say. Judging by the gaze of a few other women, some single, some not so single, they too would content themselves with any seat as long as it was at Ross' table. Ross, in the meantime, seems completely oblivious to the scarily rising levels of oestrogen in the room. As he casually seats next to Rebecca Drew, I would bet anything that he is secretly relishing the languorous attentions lavished upon his person. Unfortunate Rebecca is already the object of vindictive and obscure curses gathering over her head from various tables. Yet, she is one of the few who has consistently shown no interest whatsoever in falling for Ross' charm.
     
    Everyone is now seated and studying the menus placed beside each plate. Set menus are better for this kind of big events. They usually revolve around no more than four starters, main course and dessert options (five if you're lucky). There is always one for