him before approaching the stewards with his passport and boarding card. He had only relaxed when the aircraft had left the runway.
On arrival, he took a bus from Alicante and found an apartment at the third time of trying in the busy resort of Benidorm. Tod had calmed down somewhat since then. His head felt fuzzy as the previous night’s alcohol clung to his nervous system. The sun was blazing through the balcony doors making it impossible to sleep any longer. Despite drinking himself into a stupor the night before, he’d spent hours in a nightmare filled daze somewhere between sleep and consciousness. There was no escape. The images that haunted his dreams remained with him through his waking hours. He couldn’t outrun them.
There was no explanation for his actions, certainly no excuses. Once the intense wave of lust that drove him had waned, all that was left was guilt and remorse. What he had done made him feel physically sick. He had crossed a line from which he couldn’t return. If they caught him, not only would he go down for a long time, his family and friends would be horrified and devastated. They would be destroyed. He couldn’t bring himself to think of what effect it would have on the health of his elderly mother. Her beloved son a monster? It was inconceivable.
He climbed out of bed and looked out across the balcony. The view of the sea was obscured by a forest of towering hotels but the pool area and the narrow streets beyond were pleasant enough to look at. The ‘Old Town’ of Benidorm was quiet in comparison to newer parts of the resort a mile or so away, which were plagued with stag and hen parties yet it was busy enough for him to remain anonymous. The beer was cheap, the tapas bars were excellent and he could spend all day on his sunbed by the pool scouring the British newspapers for information. So far so good. Whatever was going on at home, he didn’t appear to be a known fugitive just yet. Maybe they would never link him to any crime. Maybe pigs would fly over the Spanish resort too.
Tod walked into the bathroom and tried to make himself feel human again. The man in the mirror didn’t look as bad as he felt. His skin was already tanning and his dark brown hair looked neat and well groomed. He showered and shaved and then pulled on a pair of black Nike shorts and a matching vest before gathering his wallet and sunglasses and heading down to the lobby. He had placed his mobile in the room safe the moment he arrived and he was determined to leave it there too. Switching it on would be like waving a big flag saying ‘I’m over here. Come and get me.’ Although the urge to turn it on was overpowering, he couldn’t. He valued his liberty too much to take any risks. Once everything had blown over, he could go back to his normal life. It would take time but he had plenty of that.
He opened the door and looked up and down the corridor. He thought about armed police officers hiding in doorways waiting for him to leave his room. It was ridiculous yet it was a real fear. Taking a deep breath, he stepped out and closed the door with a click. He twisted the handle to check that it was locked. It was. Relax, he told himself. You’re on a long holiday, nothing more, nothing less. He placed his forehead against the wood and it felt cool and refreshing. A full English breakfast, some orange juice and a few laps of the pool would sort him out. He turned and headed for the lift. There was never a car waiting. The hotel was sixteen floors high and as the summer months disappeared, families were replaced by a tide of British pensioners. They wouldn’t or couldn’t walk up the stairs unless they absolutely had to. He was convinced that if the hotel caught fire, hundreds of nearly dead people would sprint down the stairs like a herd of aging Olympians without giving their arthritis a second thought but
personal demons by christopher fowler