Come Alive Read Online Free PDF Page B

rubbed them. “No. No, of
course not.” The world moved behind my lids, and my jaw tickled. “I’m sorry,” I
repeated and took off for the bathroom.
    He called after me. I scrambled to my knees and
leaned over the toilet seconds before throwing up.
    “Oh, shit,” I heard behind me as Bill gathered
my hair in his hand. “Did you eat anything at dinner?”
    I shook my head into the toilet and released a
stream of pink liquid. I sat back against the wall and whispered, “I’m sorry.”
    He crouched down beside me. “It’s all right. You
had too much to drink, huh?”
    I nodded.
    “I’ll get you some water.”
    I let my head fall into my hands. I was awash
with shame for spurning him and for letting the alcohol incite memories of
David all night. I just want it to end. I
want to rid myself of David and of everything I’ve been holding inside. The guilt, the shame, the lust, the longing . When I was hit with another wave of nausea, I
gripped the toilet and vomited every last thing inside me.
    ~
    I’m running, but I’m not
moving. I’m being chased, but my legs are heavy. Impossible
to lift. The leadenness rises up my arms and settles in my chest,
strangling me from the inside out. And someone’s hands are around my neck. My
chest is collapsing, and I am gasping, rasping for air . . .
.
     
    I sucked air in suddenly, and my eyes flew open.
When I couldn’t move, panic filtered through me until I realized why. Bill was
holding me. It had been a while since he had, so I fought the urge to break
free and move to my side of the bed.
    “ Liv ?” he murmured
sleepily.
    “It’s all right, just another nightmare,” I
said.
    “Hmm? Nightmare? Must be the alcohol.” He pulled
me closer, and I sighed, yielding to him.

 
     
     
     
     
     
    CHAPTER 4
     
     
    I PULLED THE
ZIPPER UP over my ribs and wondered if I could get away with wearing a shawl. I
was already cold in the revealing dress and up until now, I had been
consciously disguising my weight loss. I remembered Lucy’s serious expression
as she had warned us about altering our bridesmaid dresses in any way, because
she wanted the three of us looking identical as we stood next to her.
    “Where’s Liv ?” I heard from the next room.
    “In here.”
    We were at Andrew’s behemoth of a house in Winnetka, taking up a few
rooms in the ‘east wing,’ as Andrew’s mother had called it. I leaned into the
mirror and gave my makeup a once-over. Because my face
had become thinner, my eyes looked even larger than normal. The deep Bordeaux
gown perfectly complemented their shade of green and the dark honey color of my
hair.
    Lucy had hired professionals to transform the four of us for her big day.
She was the glowing princess while Gretchen, Dani and
I were sultry triplets. We donned identical messy chignons and dramatic makeup,
with wine-colored pouts to match our dresses.
    I swiped a lipstick smudge from the corner of my mouth. In the day’s
chaos, it had been easy to avoid my thoughts. But now I braced myself against
the vanity table. Tonight I would see David again, and I had no plan. I could
see beads of sweat forming on my upper lip just thinking about it. Good,
then. Perhaps I won’t need a shawl after all.
    Gretchen breezed in, still dressed in one of the
red satin bridesmaid robes we’d all received. She halted when she saw me. “ Liv ,” she said, passing her eyes over me. “You’re really skinny.”
    “Stop,” I said, crossing my arms into myself. “Don’t look at me like
that.”
    She walked over and pulled on the armhole of the dress. “This is big. I
knew you’d lost weight, but this is too much. I can like, see your ribs.” She ran a finger over my chest that left chills in its wake.
    “You cannot,” I countered, puffing up. “I just know I’m going to be cold,
though. Do you think Lucy will let me wear something over my shoulders?”
    “After this weekend, will you please go talk to someone? You’re depressed.”
    I reeled