Clean Sweep
"Go back to sleep."
    "Is that Dad? Are the two of you doing it in the pool? Ew!"
    Kevin growled.
    Another window slid open and a boy's voice called out. "What's going on?"
    "Mom and Dad are doing it in the pool."
    "Ugh."
    "Nobody is doing anything!" Kevin barked. "Go back to bed!"
    "You know you can get diseases from doing that, right? The pool water isn't sanitary..."
    "It definitely won't be sanitary after they're done with it," the boy quipped.
    "Back to bed! Now!"
    The windows closed.
    Kevin groaned. "How long until they finish high school and go off to college?"
    "Three years."
    "I don't think I can hold out that long."
    "Why don't we grab our wine and take it inside?" the woman said. "We can go to our giant comfortable bedroom, lock the door, and drink wine. In bed."
    "That's a great idea."
    A couple of minutes later, the door thudded closed. I waited a little while longer to be on the safe side and resumed my dragging. If my arms didn't fall off, the cops didn't bust me, and the amorous suburb residents stayed in their houses, I might even make it home in half an hour or so.
    *** *** ***
    An hour later I trudged to the side gate of my wooden fence. It opened in anticipation and I stepped through onto the inn grounds. Power coursed through me. The spear-hook flowed back into the broom.
    The dog door in the northern entrance swung open and Beast dashed out. She licked my feet, growled at the dead creature, and ran around me in a circle.
    "Everything quiet while I was gone?"
    The Beast dived at my feet again and licked my shoe.
    "Take him to the basement," I said.
    The lawn under the body opened and the corpse fell through. The dirt and grass closed behind it and smoothed themselves out.
    I went inside. The floorboards of the lobby parted at my approach, folding back on themselves and dropping down to form a stairway that led under the house. The stairs ran into the steel door. I descended and touched the metal. Magic licked my palm. A complex pattern of dark blue hairline cracks formed on the door and it slid aside. I walked in.
    The lamp that was suspended in the middle of the room ignited, drenching the steel table below it in a white glow. The dead creature was lying on it and looked just as revolting as I remembered.
    To the left and right, mood lamps came on in their wall sconces, their yellow light soothing and comfortable, in sharp contrast to the sterility of the lab lamp. Shelves lined the far wall, filled to the brink with books, while glass cabinets containing jars and containers in every size and shape occupied the other two walls. To the right, a concrete-and-tile decontamination shower stood waiting its chance to shine in the event of an emergency.
    "Thank you." I touched the table. "Secure, please."
    Metal strips curled from the table's corners, locking the creature's four limbs in place. I didn't think it would come back to life, but you never know. Stranger things have happened. I put on a pair of scrubs, safety goggles and slipped on a pair of gloves.
    The beast lay on its back, its wrinkled, hairless belly exposed. Ugly critter.
    Time for the Creature Guide . I pulled a thick book from the shelf and waved my fingers above it. The book flipped through the pages, reacting to my magic. Looking things up manually was a centuries-old tradition, as ancient as the inns themselves. The advent of computers hadn't changed anything. In the event of a Law Enforcement Breach, a computer would the first thing the LEOs --law enforcement officers --would confiscate. I had a laptop upstairs in plain view, partially for that exact purpose. They were welcome to my Twitter account and my gallery of cute fluffy animals dressed in hilarious Halloween costumes. Nobody thought to check the dead-tree books anymore, and even if they did, they would likely mistake the Guide for a novelty volume.
    This copy of the Creature Guide was old. The inn itself was late nineteenth century, but the Creature Guide had a mottled leather
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