Chicks in Chainmail Read Online Free PDF Page A

eyes glowered, flamelit and dangerous.
    "Subcontractors!" the universe, growled, and the small demon felt nothing more as it vanished in universal disapproval.
     
    "It's under warranty," the wizard insisted.
    "Shipping replacement storage device…" the voice said.
    "But my data…"
    "Recovered," the voice said. "Already loaded. Please stay on the line and give your credit card number—sorry, instruction error. Please maintain connection spell and give your secret name—" The wizard leaned over and said something through cupped hands.
    With a flicker, the miscellaneous body parts disappeared, and a black box sat humming in the key of A major, its light was green.
    "Me first," said Bertha. "I want Gillian's boobs back on Gillian, and mine on me." "But the prince—" the sergeant said. "Can wait," said Bertha.
     
    The royal accountant lagged behind the chancellor, wishing someone else had his job. The chancellor had already given his opinion, and the accountant's boxed ears still rang. It wasn't his fault anyway. A contract was a contract; that's how it was written, and he hadn't written it. But he knew if it came to boxing ears, the king wouldn't clout the chancellor. After all, the chancellor was the queen's brother.
    "Well—what is it now?" The king sounded grumpy, too—the worst sort of grumpy.
    "Sire—there's a problem with the treasury. There's been an overrun in the military medical services sector."
    "An overrun? How? We haven't even had a war!" Very grumpy, the king, and the accountant noticed the Dig bony fists at the ends of his arms. Why had he ever let his uncle talk him into civil service anyway?
    "A considerable increase in claims made to the Royal Provider Organization. For plastic wizardry."
    The king leaned over to read the details. "Plastic wizardry? Health care?"
    "Sire, in the reign of your renowned father, plastic wizardry to repair duty-related injuries was added to the list of allowable charges, and then a lesser amount was allocated for noncombat trauma—"
    The king looked up, clearly puzzled. "What's a reversible reduction mammoplasty?" The chancellor explained, in the tone of someone who would always prefer to call a breast a bosom.
    "Those women again!" The king swelled up and bellowed "GUARDS! FETCH ME THOSE WOMEN!" No one, not even the accountant, had to ask which women.
     
    "But your majesty, surely you want the women of your realm able to suckle their own children?" Mirabel Stonefist, serene in the possession of her own mammae, and surprisingly graceful in her holiday attire, smiled at the king.
    "Well of course, but—"
    "And you do not want to pay extra for women's armor that will protect those vulnerable fountains of motherly devotion, isn't that right?" She had gotten that rather disgusting phrase from a sermon by the queen's own chaplain, who did not approve of women warriors. Rumor had it that he had chosen his pacific profession after an incident with a woman warrior who had rendered his singing voice an octave higher for a month, and threatened to make the change permanent.
    "Well, no, but—"
    "Then, Sire, I'm afraid you leave us no alternative but to protect both our womanhood, and your realm, by means of wizardry."
    "You could always leave the army," said the queen, in a nasty voice.
    Mirabel smiled at her. "Your majesty, if the king will look at his general's reports, instead of his paper-pushers' accounts, he'll find that the general considers us vital to the realm's protection." She paused just that necessary moment "As our customized armor is necessary to our protection."
    "But this—but it's too expensive! We shall be bankrupt. Who wrote this contract, anyway?"
    "Perhaps I can explain," Sophora Segundiflora strode forward. In her dark three-piece robe with its white bib, she looked almost as impressive as in armor. "As loyal subjects of this realm, we certainly had no intention of causing you any distress, Sire."
    The king glared, but did not interrupt. Perhaps he had