Cheating on Myself Read Online Free PDF Page B

Enough of my life had changed that a significant shift in all my beliefs and attitudes ought to be easier now than ever.
    I nodded. “Sure, that would be good.” They were all still looking at me, which was making me twitch. When I locked eyes with Cat, I could feel the tears springing up to the surface. “I left Erik,” I said, still looking at Cat. “I’m sorry.”
    This announcement was met with complete and total silence, an unfamiliar sound for this particular group. Cat spoke first. “Left… how?”
    “We… broke up, I guess.” Do you call it a break up when you’ve been together as long as we had? It sounded weird.
    “Did he cheat?” Lily said, immediately jumping into protector mode. “Oh my god, he cheated with the intern. That skank who wanted him to mentor her—she’s a whore, Stella. He doesn’t deserve you.”
    I laughed, waving my hand to get her to quiet down. “He didn’t cheat with the skanky intern,” I said. I pulled at my earring, remembering when Erik had given this pair to me. It was Christmas, the first year we’d been dating. We went to the winter parade downtown after work one night, and he bought them for me when we’d gone inside to warm up. That was when he still did impulsive things. He hadn’t surprised me like that in a long time.
    “I guess it just boils down to the fact that I was tired of waiting for him to marry me.” When I said it out loud to people other than Erik, it sounded so trivial, so whiny. But it was my reason (the only concrete reason, anyway) and I couldn’t question my instincts. It was a big decision, but it wasn’t a stupid decision. I needed to do this for me.
    Cat had gotten very pale. “It’s because of my mom. My mom and the gift exchange.” She was staring at me open-mouthed. She looked at Lily and Anders, who were obviously confused. “See, every year my mom puts everyone’s name into a bowl and we draw names for the Christmas gift exchange. But to be included, you have to be an official member of the family. She’s never put Stella’s name in the bowl. Ten years, and Stella sits there at Christmas with no gift under the tree. I told her she was going to drive you away with that effing gift exchange.”
    “Cat, there are other things about your mom that would have driven me away a lot faster than her Christmas gift exchange. Her ‘suggestion’ that I find a new hair salon, for one. Or her ‘recommendation’ that I start to dress myself in more ‘winter’ colors.” I shook my head. Erik and Cat’s mom, Laurel, was a piece of work. But since my own mom had died, she was the closest thing to a mother I had.
    Anders, who had been casually drinking his wine since I’d made my announcement, suddenly said, “I think it’s great, Stella.” Cat and Lily turned on him like he’d admitted I was, in fact, getting chubby. “What? I do. I think Erik’s fine, but I don’t see the spark. You’re not even married and the spark is gone? That’s not right, sweetie.” He squeezed my hand.
    “Pardon my logistical questions,” Lily said, starting to slur a bit. “But don’t you live together?”
    “Not anymore.” I pulled a piece of bruschetta onto my plate. “I moved to the Holiday Inn on Monday night.”
    Cat audibly gasped, placing a hand over her mouth to cover up her disgust. “The Holiday Inn?”
    “It’s less than fifty bucks a night with my AAA discount.” I shrugged. “It was my choice to leave, and it’s his house, so it was up to me to move out.” I’d been desperate when I left on Monday night, and the Holiday Inn was the first hotel I drove past (after stopping for a honey banana milkshake). I probably should have thought it through more carefully, but I hadn’t exactly been in a normal state of mind.
    I was proud that I had been sensible enough to ask the front desk if they had had any bedbug issues. When they assured me they did not, I plopped my credit card on the counter and told them I’d be staying for