Cheating on Myself Read Online Free PDF

was straight. At least, he insisted he was. He rarely dated, never hit on any of us, and gave great advice about just about everything. Even though we were all sure he was hiding a deep secret about his sexuality—from himself as well as the rest of the world—we all simply appreciated the fact that he was all ours.
    The wineglass was bussed behind the counter before Lily even noticed it had been taken.
    “Might as well drink it from the bottle if you’re drinking alone, eh, Lil? Ladies, I’ve already ordered us our own bottle for the table.” Anders was a childhood friend of Lily’s, and he had become a good friend of mine and Cat’s in the years we’d all known each other. He was laid-back, but had a feisty side that made him a great match for Lily. They only talked about it when they were drunk, but Anders and Lil had dated early in high school. They were strictly platonic now, but talk of their old relationship was always a fun conversation topic.
    Lily just laughed and swiped Anders’ glass. She filled it to the top, emptying the bottle of wine in the process, and took a huge swig. Cat and I exchanged a look.
    “Here’s the thing, Sorenson—I know you just want an excuse to talk to the bartender again. She’s been ogling you all night, so why don’t I take this glass and you can ask sweet ass over there for a fresh one?”
    As Cat, Lily, and I followed the hostess to our table, Anders stayed back at the bar to chat up the bartender. This was all part of the usual routine on drinks’ night. Since Anders was the only single person in our midst, there was some expectation that he’d flirt on everyone’s behalf. We all lived a little vicariously through Anders.
    Now that I was officially unhitched, I was concerned my friends might expect me to chat up random people, too. I hoped I wouldn’t be expected to start sleeping around, like Lily had before she started dating Chad. Did people still use condoms, or was there some new protection I would have to learn about? Did I have to start getting Brazilians? Would anyone ever actually want to sleep with me? I swallowed back the panic that had been creeping up every few hours since I’d left Erik’s house earlier that week.
    Anyway, I was getting ahead of myself, since I’d only been single for three days. Three days. It’s not like it would be normal for me to just jump back into the ring and start lassoing up men left and right. I was looking for a life partner, not a fling... I wasn’t a fling girl. As I sat at the table, adjusting and readjusting my napkin on my lap, I realized all of my friends were staring at me.
    “You look weird, Stella.” This comment, courtesy of Cat, was accompanied by a nod from Lily.
    “I’m fat,” I said frankly, as Anders scooted his chair up to join us. “I still can’t run, I can hardly walk, and I haven’t lifted anything more than a glass of wine in four weeks.”
    My friends all started to protest, telling me I looked great and relaxed and all the other bullshit friends are supposed to say.
    “I didn’t mean it like that,” Cat said, her eyes wide. “I mean, you look a little vacant.”
    “You okay?” Lily pushed her giant glass of wine toward me, while Anders flagged down our waiter to get more to the table. “Drink this.”
    “Yeah, I’m okay,” I said, and wondered if it was true.
    Anders ordered bruschetta when the waiter came over with our wine, then said, “Have you gotten your back checked out? I can fit you in at the office tomorrow morning, if you want someone to take a look?” Anders was the office manager at a chiropractic and massage therapy center. He loved the job because it gave him time to work on his novel when things were slow, and he was addicted to shiatsu, which he got at a discount from one of the therapists. I wasn’t big on alternative medicine, but I was so frustrated by my back that I would try anything. Also, maybe it was time to try a new approach to everything in life.