Cerulean (One Thousand Blues) Read Online Free PDF Page A

and try to still the tiny muscles in my face, silently cursing my great-great-great-great grandfather. He had to miss his automobile most. Surely there was something more interesting than a heap of metal! I would have chosen something exotic: Aurora, Violet, Meadow. If only I had a choice…
    As the doctor continues his lecture of appreciating the losses the pioneers suffered to save us, I tune him out, wishing I could talk with anyone else. Even attending a session with someone unlearned would be better than the doctor’s cold indifference. But Dr. Cloud has refused to choose a shadow so far, someone to train to replace him someday. Shadow positions are the most prestigious and coveted among the specialties.
    An icy finger runs along my neck. I shudder. I had not even noticed Dr. Cloud approaching.
    He tilts my head, holds my chin upright, and examines my gill implants. I shiver again. Even the light layer of blubber underneath my scaled Skin does not blunt the repulsiveness of his touch.
    He smiles, either oblivious to my discomfort or satisfied that he caused it. “I see your gills are still intact. Very nice.”
    Does he really have to touch me each visit to ensure that my gills remain? My swim to his office should be enough to prove I can still breathe in the waters. I hate these visits. He brings up all of the wrong topics: my name, my parents, the Unmentionable—leaving a flood of raw feelings and no one to help me cope with the aftermath.
    “Professor S. will be expecting me back at the children’s residence,” I say as I recoil from his touch. “For our lesson.”
    “Lessons? While you are on pod arrest?”
    “The Committee approved it,” I whisper. I should have never brought up the lessons.
    “I am on the Committee! Isn’t it curious that this matter was broached while I was not in session?”
    I need to leave. With each new word I utter, I am making everything worse. “Haku waits outside. May I be excused?”
    “Ah, Haku. I wanted to talk about her. I feel having some time and space away from her during your pod arrest would be… beneficial. In fact, time away from your lessons might also be advantageous.”
    I stare at the doctor. What is he saying? My time with Haku has already been so restricted.
    “Since this is not your first offense, my recommendation is enforced solitary time to focus on your poor choices and consider the path you want to take in the future.”
    “Not Haku,” I whisper. “She is all I have left.”
    “You should have considered that before leaving Maluhia. Next time, I hope you do think through all potential consequences before acting.” Dr. Cloud stands. “I will send my recommendation to the Committee.”
    Tears fill my eyes, which is my cue to rush for the exit pool. As I swim back into the waters, I let them flow, salty drops blending with the saline-filled seas.
    Is the ocean washing away my tears? Or is it the very cause of my pain?

 
~Indigo~
    6
    I scrub away the slimy algae that coats the inside of the acrylic porthole so I can see other members of my sector more clearly, far below. They carry about their daily routines. I place my hands on the scratched plastic, gaze out through its dull transparency, and yearn to swim.
    To be free again.
    A simple thing like swimming through the pod complex is easy to take for granted—until that freedom is restricted. My muscles feel tight; my legs cramp; my arms ache. My body, so used to daily exercise, fights this captivity. How will I ever tolerate pod arrest?
    Only three sleeps have passed since my meeting with the Authority.
    The residence mother floats into the common area. “Chey, I must say that your floor looks immaculate.”
    “I just completed the last of the chores on your list.” Not only are the chores finished, but I spent extra time making the living spaces gleam—as much as the dilapidated pod could be made to shine, that is.
    “Well, I am glad to see you making good use of your time. Tomorrow, you