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that her new sister-in-law in Gaul hoped never to need again. “They’re hardly worn,” she had said, insisting Tilla take the box as they were tying the last of the luggage onto the farm cart and countering her objections with, “Oh, I’m sure you’ll be needing them soon!”
    The words had been spoken with the casual incomprehension of a woman who had five healthy children.
    Her husband had also told her that a baby would happen before long, and that he was not worrying. For some reason this was supposed to reassure her. But she did worry, because even though he was a medicus, he did not know the whole of the story.
    There were things that a man might think he should be told when a woman agreed to marry him. She had chosen not to mention several of them. But lately one had floated up from the depths of her past like a bloated and long-dead frog surfacing in a pond after the ice had melted. She fingered the sheepskin of a little boot and wondered if the gods were angry with her.
    She had not lied to him. Not about that, anyway. She had tried to drop hints, but he had not understood. She was not sorry. Men were unreasonable about that sort of thing. Especially Roman men, who seemed to have one standard for women and another one for wives, as if wives were not women but were creatures that arrived wrapped and packaged straight from the heavens with no past—except perhaps being somebody else’s wife, which was respectable enough. Roman females were, it seemed, expected to spend their early years waiting to become wives. After that it was their duty to boss the servants about, make things out of wool, and produce lots of children. It was perhaps no wonder that they sometimes lost their tempers and flounced off, taking the servants with them.
    She had spun yet another fleece and made a few braids on the journey—there was not much else for a passenger to do on board ship—but she had no servants to boss, and instead of children, she had produced only a monthly disappointment.
    Across the sea in Gaul, she had tried the herbs and charms that worked for other women. She had prayed to Christos too. It had annoyed the Medicus, and perhaps it had annoyed Christos as well. All through the chill of winter, the medicines had failed and the prayers had been ignored—perhaps because she was neither sorry for her sins nor ready to forgive her enemies.
    Now that she was back on her native island, things might be better. Even if her own goddess could not hear her down among the Southerners, there would be other gods that she could bargain with. Gods who were not interested in sins or forgiving people. Gods who would not care what you had done last time you were with child. Gods who would reward you for helping other women bring new life into the world, and would perhaps understand how hard it was for you to give their babies back to them.
    The apprentices seemed happy to watch mother and baby for her while she went out. Valens had promised he would keep an eye on them. He had politely not mentioned that an hour ago she had told him to get those boys out of the room right now and clear off himself.
    She stepped out into the cool air of a bright spring afternoon. The great cities of Gaul had smelled dusty and sweaty, but this place smelled of fish and woodsmoke, sewers and stale beer. She followed an old woman and a heavily laden donkey down the narrow street to where the breeze was chopping up the surface of the Tamesis into jewels.
    The great river had sunk into the middle of his channel since this morning. Gulls were perched on the masts of ships that lay beside the wharf at odd angles, like stranded fish, waiting for the tide to lift them off the mud. Ahead of her, a slave was positioning a sign above a warehouse door. She dodged aside as his companion stepped back to see if it was level. A youth overtook her, trundling an empty handcart that bounced and boomed with every bump in the road. Over the din, a soldier and a