Tags:
Fiction,
Suspense,
Psychological,
Psychological fiction,
Mystery,
England,
Large Type Books,
Fiction - Psychological Suspense,
Businesswomen,
Extortion,
Stalking Victims,
Self-Destructive Behavior
than coffee as long as I lived, but suddenly I felt the sort of ravenous shaky hunger that makes you think you'll faint. Had I eaten anything last night? I went through the evening as if I were fast-forwarding a video. There was lots of talk and drinking and cigarettes. Occasionally I'd catch sight of some food on my internal video but although I'd pushed it around on my plate I hadn't eaten much. I looked further back in the day. I'd forgotten about lunch and, in all probability, about breakfast as well, although I'd got up at five thirty. Had I become some new sort of human being who didn't require sleep or food?
I rummaged in the fridge, and found myself nibbling a slice of pork pie, and then I drank a liquid yoghurt. It all tasted like chalk, and the combination of the different foods made it even worse, different kinds of chalk coating my tongue and the roof of my mouth. What a strange thing, I thought, to take things from the outside world, mash them up in your mouth and push them down into your body so that some of it becomes part of you. It
was enough to put anybody off their food, except that I had an unassuageable craving in my stomach. It wasn't so much appetite as the sort of signal a robot might send out when it required charging up.
Charlie was scrutinizing me. 'Here, have some more coffee.
I could make you something proper, if you want.'
'It's all right.'
'Bacon and eggs, an omelette, sausages, except we haven't got any sausages. Or bacon, actually. And I'm not sure about eggs. We've got bread, though.'
'No, no,' I said, laughing -trying to laugh, needles of pain in my head. I was in the audience and on stage, all at the same time, watching myself impersonate a normal woman. 'What are your plans last night?"
Charlie looked puzzled. 'Did you say last night?" he asked. 'Did I?'
'Last night I was here. Tonight I don't know. Do you know?' 'We could do something. Or nothing. That would be good.' I went and stood beside him, putting my hands in his thick, clean hair, bending forward to smell his warm morning cleanliness, to
place a kiss on his warm cheek. "Charlie?' 'Mmmm?' 'Oh, nothing.'
I reached across for my mug of coffee, but fumbled it and it smashed to the floor, the coffee spreading in a puddle at my feet.
'It's all right,' Charlie said. 'I'll clear it up.' He squatted on the floor, picking up the pieces, mopping at the spillage with kitchen roll.
'It was the one we bought together at that pottery near
Brighton." I felt near to tears.
'I can fix it.'
'No, you can't. I'm so sorry.'
'It's just the handle, Holly. Look. I'll glue it and you won't even know where it was broken. Leave it to me."
I stared at him, and thought: Now. Tell him now. Don't rush off to work. Instead, take his hand and look into his face. Talk to him honestly, for once in your stupid life. But then there was
a sharp knock at the door.
Ill get it,' I said.
It was Naomi from next do or. She had moved in at the beginning of the year and she was our only friend in the street. She looked as unkempt as I felt. Her hair was standing up in wild, dark curls and she was wearing slippers. 'I'm on the scrounge," she said, stepping into the hallway. Im all out of coffee.'
'We've got plenty, and there's some in the pot. Have a cup." She looked nervously from me to Charlie. "If you're sure...' Im on the way out, but Charlie's here.'
I left them together in the kitchen and stepped out gratefully into the street, where no one knew my face or name.
I quite like it when we have projects that are impossible because then people are grateful when you manage anything at all. That was how Meg and I first met, nearly five years ago now, although sometimes it feels we've known each other for ever and it's almost a shock to realize that she wasn't around in my childhood and adolescent years. We were both in our first jobs and we were the dogs bodies in a company that was a total shambles. One day a woman arrived to check the