Captain's Day Read Online Free PDF Page A

checking that Fidler wasn’t watching, exchanged a mischievous wink with Dawson, teed up his ball and said, “Top Flight four.”
    Fidler's ears pricked up immediately. “What?”
    “ Top Flight four,” Elwes repeated, matter-of-fact.
    “ I'm playing a Top Flight four,” said Fidler.
    “ Well so am I.”
    “ But I always play Top Flight fours,” Fidler protested. “I never play anything else. I've been playing Top Flight fours for years. Everybody knows I play Top Flight fours.”
    “ I didn’t.”
    Fidler found this hard to believe. “But you must have Tony. All the times we’ve played together?”
    “ Never noticed,” said Elwes, airily.
    “ Well everybody else has noticed.”
    “ Well I’m not everybody else, am I,” said Elwes, camaraderie now having been elbowed to one side in favour of peevishness, and with that he commenced to waggle his driver over the ball in preparation for his tee shot.
    “ But I haven't got anything else but Top Flight fours,” Fidler complained. “It’s all I ever buy, it’s all I ever carry.”
    “ Well tough titty,” said Elwes, and promptly drove off.
Fidler scowled his annoyance at Elwes and turned to Dawson. “Lend me a ball would you Ted.”
    “ I’ve only got Titleist threes, “ said Dawson, “and I'm playing a Titleist three.”
    “ You've only got Titleist threes?”
    “ Yes I only ever play Titleist threes.”
    “ Since when?”
    “ Since I heard you only ever played Top Flight fours. I thought it was an excellent idea. Sort of personalises one.”
    Fidler, a man who once physically assaulted an old age pensioner who tried to push in front of him in a particularly slow Post Office queue was not a man blessed with a wealth of patience, and what little of it he had was fast running out. He turned to Elwes and held out a hand. “Lend me a ball.”
    “ I've only got Top Flight fours,” said Elwes.
    At this Fidler lost his rag completely. “For fuck's sake!”
    Standing no more than ten yards away from them Mr Captain could scarcely believe his ears. Fidler had used the forbidden 'F' word. In front of him. Not only used it, but shouted it, flagrantly, for all the world to hear. And on Captain's Day, of all days. His Captain’s Day. Immediate action was called for. Mr Captain was quick in taking it. “Mr Fidler!” he remonstrated, in the sternest voice he could muster, given the shock his system had just had to contend with.
    Fidler was full of apologies. “Sorry. Sorry Mr Captain, it just slipped out. Heat of the moment. Won’t happen again I assure you.” He cocked a thumb at Dawson and Elwes, “It wouldn’t have happened at all if it hadn’t been for these two clowns; they know very well I always play Top Flight fours. You’d probably have said the same thing yourself if you were in my shoes.”
    Mr Captain bridled at this gross insinuation. “I most certainly would not have said the same thing in your shoes,” he raged. “Not in a million years. You will be required to present yourself at the next meeting of the General Committee. A week this coming Monday I believe. Eight-o-clock sharp”
    “ What?”
    “ You heard.”
    Not trusting himself to say another word in case he made matters worse than they already were Fidler stood fuming for a moment or so before turning on his heel and stalking off the course in the direction of the clubhouse. “I'm going for some balls,” he snapped to his playing partners, over his shoulder. He could of course simply have marked his ball in order to distinguish it from Elwes’s but by now he was so mad that this option didn’t occur to him. And was thus instrumental in adding in no small measure to the mayhem that was to ensue that day.
    Dawson and Elwes, both now grinning from ear to ear, watched him depart. Mr Captain, noticing their amusement, eyed them with suspicion. He challenged them. “Are you two deliberately trying to spoil my day?”
    “ Spoil your day, Mr Captain?” said Elwes, all