Calling Me Back Read Online Free PDF

facing me. “I want a family. I want us to be a family.”
    I focused on my heartbeat banging against my chest. Was I too young to have a heart attack? Haven was my family. Haven and Ash. And now Jake and his sister, Beth, had widened that group, but Emma had never really become a part of that. I didn’t want to create a family that would pull me away from the one I already had. The banging in my chest got louder. I threw back some more beer.
    “I’ve given you time and space. I’ve not been demanding or high maintenance. And now I need you to realize what you have with me.”
    “But isn’t that why we work? Because we’re independent? I didn’t know you were wanting us to be different, waiting for us to change.” I didn’t want or need anything else from her.
    “I want us to be a unit. A family. Our children and us. At the moment, I’m constantly competing with Haven and Ash, and that’s not fair.”
    She was right—I had a unit. Haven and Ash. I turned toward her. “So this isn’t about getting married—this is about you not wanting me to spend time with my sister?”
    “Jesus, that’s not what I said. I just feel second place all the time. I don’t want a roommate. I want someone who I can grow old with, someone to share a life with.”
    Whenever I imagined getting older, it was Haven, Ash and me I thought of. Had I led Emma on all these years? She looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say something that would make her feel better, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t lie to her, and I had nothing truthful that she wanted to hear.
    My conversation with Ash had helped me realize that this was more than me not wanting things to change. It was about me not wanting to get married—not only because I didn’t believe in marriage—but because marriage wasn’t right for me, and definitely not for me and Emma. We didn’t work in that way.
    Haven, Ash and I were a team. We were a family. Jake had understood that from the beginning, and he’d become like a brother to me in a short space of time. Emma hadn’t got it yet, and I wasn’t sure she ever would.
    “Are you ever going to grow up? You can’t hang out with your sister your whole life. I thought things might change after she got married. She can move on. She can hold down a relationship. What are you so scared of?”
    I hated arguing. Life was too short. I regretted every argument I’d ever had with my parents before they died. I wished I could take it all back. For years, words I’d said to them—just typical teenager stuff—had swirled around my head, haunting me. The fact that Haven felt similarly made it slightly more bearable. Our pain was shared.
    I stood up, wanting to create space between us.
    “Oh right, so now you’re going to walk away. We need to talk about this stuff,” she said, her voice getting higher and sharper. “Tell me what you want. Tell me if you want me.”
    “I don’t know what to tell you. I don’t want to get married. I’m not ready. And I didn’t realize you’d started thinking about kids.”
    “You don’t think that most people get married in their thirties? Everyone does it! How is this a shock to you? It’s what people do.”
    “Luke!” she screamed when I didn’t reply.
    “What?” I shouted back and then instantly regretted it. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” I said, more softly.
    “Fine,” she said. “If you’re going to be like that then you can sleep in the spare room tonight. You can’t say that you don’t know what I want. I think I’ve been very clear. I suggest you think about what it is you want. I’ll give you a month.”
    “A month?” I asked.
    She took a sip from her wine glass. “Yeah. You’ve got a month to work out what you want.”
    “What? I have a month to work out if I want to marry you?” I asked.
    “Yes, we have to put a time frame on this or . . .”
    “And if I decide I don’t want to get married?”
    “I don’t know.” She sounded tired.