Call Me the Breeze Read Online Free PDF

there after the gig, drank in the hall for a couple of hours, then headed home. ‘Did you see the faces of the hoors when I was singing “Schizoid”?’ Boo Boo said. Sure, we said, how could we not, it’d have been pretty fucking hard to miss them! But it was great gas and you could see Boo Boo was right pleased even if he didn’t say it. As I drove, I kept myself amused with thoughts and dreams about me and The Jace (dune buggies scorch the roads of Ireland!), and when I came back to earth, we were coming into Navan. It was a fantastic fresh morning, the windscreen splattered with flies. All I can say is that it was just wonderful to be heading home, knowing she was there asleep, soon to rise and head for work in the shirt-factory office. I couldn’t stop thinking of Magic and the Swallows playing ‘It’s Over’ by Roy Orbison, and how if the words of that song were saying anything, they were telling me something about Mona and me. And how all things, no matter how special they might have been in the past,must eventually come to an end. The most important thing for me to remember, I reflected, swinging the wagon on to the main street (Boo Boo was always dropped off first) was that when feelings are that strong — as strong as mine were for Jacy — what you’ve got to do is face up to the fact. For if I didn’t, I knew, all I was going to succeed in doing was prolonging the pain — for both of us.
    Which was why — at home — I rehearsed in front of the mirror. So as to get it right.
    I can see now that I was in denial about
Taxi Driver
. Even at that early stage, I had definitely been influenced by it to some extent. I suppose later on I just found it embarrassing to admit to, what with all the shit they wrote about me in the papers. But it doesn’t matter now, does it?
    Sure I was influenced. I was even standing like De Niro, for God’s sake. With my legs apart and my two arms folded.
    ‘Mona,’ I said into the mirror, ‘we’ve got to talk.’
    Also: ‘
I’ve got something here for you. I think we ought to talk
.’
    I held it out. Then coughed and said: ‘
It’s a present, yeah
?’
    It would make everything so much easier, I reckoned. I spun on my heel and grinned at my reflection.
    ‘We’ll always be friends, babe,’ I told her. ‘Now and for always.’
    Then I blew my gunfinger and headed into town, unburdened and happy and walking as though on clouds.
The Now
    One night, after a party in the bar, I put away so much drink that I thought:
This is it. This is the time
. The Now.
I’ll go out to the caravan now and do it, without presents. Or flowers or anything else
. Now.
    I had everything figured out, down to coming past the dogs, having my boot ready if any of them tried anything, and repeating to myself: ‘This is it. This is the end of the line, Mona. I hope you’ll understand. We’ve been special to each other for a long time now. Except now I’ve got to say … it’s over.’
    But I knew in my heart that it wasn’t to be. I could see it plain as day the way things would really happen. As they did, in fact, Mona standing at the doorway of the caravan in an old coat, hissing: ‘You’redrunk.
Get in
!’ As I fell inside, becoming so excited that I couldn’t seem to hold on to anything. There was a steak and kidney pie that I took out of the fridge but I dropped that too and somehow — I think I must have stood on it — it all got mashed up on the floor.
Pies
    Some of these pieces are so badly written it’s a miracle I can read them at all. One minute scribbled in something close to Arabic and the next in these huge childish letters, ringed in red like this one — PIES !
    Which I’d spent plenty of time thinking about because, although I knew they were turning me into a bullock, I still wasn’t able to stop, all the time thinking:
I’ve got to build myself up, to keep my mind focused. Build up to that major decision! Keep your mind focused and eat eat eat
!
    I don’t