the change in my stepfather’s disposition.
He had become, in a word, gruff .
His son disappearing from his life hadn’t helped. The worst part was that he
still smiled and laughed along with the rest of us – but it was clear to
anyone who knew him well that his heart wasn’t into it.
As the months became years, and Sawyer failed to show up on our doorstep
again, his penchant for keeping up the act whittled away. I couldn’t think of
the last time I had seen him smile, or even offer the faintest chuckle to a
joke.
With that said, his business associates never seemed to notice –
but he became a completely different person around them. The few times they had
been around, he effortlessly slipped back into his persona of being a jovial,
confident man – making them roar with laughter at every turn.
My mother and I saw the real him.
He was a man weakened by grief.
But that had all changed with Sawyer’s return.
My thoughts were conflicted on this. True, seeing my stepbrother again
had brought him straight back to who he was before. But I couldn’t overlook the
fact that it was Sawyer’s fault that our
father had been so depressed for the last few years. On top of that, I still
had my personal reasons for being furious with him – and as much as
seeing them together warmed my heart, I could look in his eyes and see the
truth.
Sawyer was still the monumental ass he had always been. His blind
arrogance was just as strong as ever.
I bit my lip angrily, watching them drink beer together and laugh. My
mother’s hand clasped onto my shoulder, giving me a tight squeeze.
“I know you two had your differences,” she whispered to me, “and that
you’re still angry about your brother leaving. Isn’t it worth it, just for
this?”
I honestly didn’t have an answer.
Instead, I decided that enough was enough. As I pushed away from the
counter and turned my back on their stupid little family reunion, the others
diverted their attention towards me. He
abandoned us. I don’t CARE that he’s back, and he’s safe…he gets to pull that
shit and then get a nice, warm homecoming? No. Fuck that.
“Saffron–” Mom called out for me.
Her concern meant nothing to me. I stormed around the corner and out of
sight, disappearing down the hall and up the stairs. Another turn, another
corridor, and the door to my bedroom appeared on the right.
I could hear that nobody was coming for me, and that was fine by me. In
our old apartment, I could have walked fifteen feet and slammed the door to my
bedroom, but in this stupid oversized house I had to go through multiple
hallways and ascend a flight of stairs first.
It’s a good thing I didn’t have a flair for the dramatic.
It’d be hard to get an audience in a place like this.
Once I’d thrown it closed and locked it, I slumped backwards against the
door and down to the floor. It had been hard to hold it all back while my
family surrounded me – in my private room, however, I was free to let it
every last conflicting emotion come crashing out in a complete mess.
Sawyer Samuels.
My relationship with him had been complicated. Very complicated. From the day I met him, he was a complete jackass
to me, just shy of belittling me at every last fucking turn. I never knew what
his problem with me was, but he seemed to get his rocks off on antagonizing me
in these small, subtle mind games. I hated it. I hated him.
Except…neither of those were true.
I enjoyed it. It was like we
were playing this constant game with one another. I was always on the
defensive, and he was always on the attack, but something about the game just
kept me playing.
It was true that he was a complete asshole to me. I couldn’t stand how
fucking cocky he was, with his attractive build that I saw way too often when
he’d wander around the house shirtless. Then there was that stupid little