BWWM Interracial Romance 8: Mutual Attraction Read Online Free PDF Page B

single-minded focus on being the best of the best. It was why he’d risen through the ranks at Saint Joseph’s so quickly, and it was why he was being offered such an important position in New York.
    But now, feeling an emptiness he couldn’t quite figure out how to fill, he wondered if perhaps he’d overlooked a few things along the way. It was hard to admit to himself that every one of his personal and career decisions had been self-serving and vain, but now that he really thought about his situation and who he had around him that truly loved him, he felt alone for the first time in his life. It didn’t matter that he drove a BMW or that his condo was worth more than million dollars; what mattered was that he had no one to share it with.
    Neil leaned his forehead against the glass. It was cool and unyielding, a thin layer of protection from the open air of a thirty story drop to the ground. He closed his eyes and tried to remind himself of why he was lucky to have the things he had, but it was no use. His thoughts returned always to Barbara and of the time she’d been in his life.
    He’d taken her for granted, of course. Just as he’d assumed that he deserved whatever he’d ever achieved in life, he’d assumed that Barbara would be there when he wanted her to without ever asking anything in return. It had been just as much his fault that she’d wound up pregnant after their night of careless lovemaking, and what had he done? How had he shown himself to be a man about the whole thing?
    He’d run.
    It hadn’t been so obvious as packing up and leaving, but he’d avoided every opportunity to tell Barbara how much he cared for her and how much he wanted to be a good enough man to be the father their child deserved. Instead of doubling down and committing to helping her raise their baby, he’d retreated within himself and pushed Barbara away, letting her think him a callous asshole.
    Maybe he was a callous asshole, thought Neil as he straightened up and walked to the kitchen. Maybe there just wasn’t any more to him than that. Maybe he wasn’t worth the love of a woman like Barbara, and maybe their child was better off without him.
    Neil picked up the bottle of vodka that was already half empty despite only having been bought the day before, and he poured himself a large glass. He swirled it around and watched the clear liquid ripple around the glass, thick and intoxicating alcohol vapors rising up to him and beckoning him to drink deeply.
    “Fuck!” roared Neil, turning and hurling the glass against the kitchen wall.
    The cup shattered and exploded everywhere, tiny fragments of vodka soaked glass bouncing off the counter and floor, creating a minefield of pain for him to avoid walking over.
    Neil picked up the bottle and stared at it for a moment before upending it over the sink and watching the fluid splash over the stainless steel before trickling down the drain.
    He saw his life in that sink. So many moments wasted and let go instead of held onto and savored. He’d been an idiot to let Barbara walk out, and he’d been even more of a fool to have been the one to push her away in the first place. She’d been the only true thing in his life besides the moments he practiced medicine to help people instead of trying to further his own career, and now he was doing so much administrative work that he barely even had that anymore.
    Neil dropped the bottle into the sink and walked away, ignoring the shards of glass on the floor. He went to the couch and picked his phone up off the coffee table, pulling up his text message history with Barbara.
    No, he thought to himself, it’s too late for that now. You’ve fucked this up as much as humanly possible, and there’s no point in making it worse. Just leave the poor woman alone.
    Neil set the phone back down and lay back on the couch. He felt numb inside, and a big part of him was furious that he’d wasted the last bottle of liquor in the house. What he wanted was