Buster's Diaries: The True Story of a Dog and His Man Read Online Free PDF Page A

in the garden on the other side. I tried to rescue it as soon as I was let out of
     the back door, but got stuck between the hedge and the chicken wire, which nobody told me was there. Whilst I waited for the
     Man to let me out, I howled a lot. He said that if I went on causing trouble I’d have to live in a kennel in the garden. I
     don’t believe him.
    I enjoyed the drive home. Driving—as long as you know where you are going—is great fun, especially the bit when you wake up,
     stand on the backseat, put your paws on the driver’s shoulder and lick his ear. I think I liked the standing-up part more
     than the Man did.

PART II
    Troubled Times

    In which Buster is ill, and, after his miraculous recovery, has two unfortunate meetings, the first with a royal goose and
     the second with a London policeman.
     
March 1, 1996—London
    We have been to Paws U Like, the pet shop or (as it now calls itself) the Westminster Animal Companions” Centre.
    It was full of things to eat—tins of meat (all “as advertised on television” and some of them “the food of champions”), sacks
     full of sawdust balls I am given every morning, biscuits in dozens of different shapes and with hundreds of different tastes,
     white mice, ger-bils, budgerigars and hamsters. We bought nothing of any value. All we brought home was a cardboard box on
     which was printed (in big red letters) PRECIOUS CARGO. Underneath it said, “When you travel, make sure your pet is as safe as you are.”
    Inside the box there was what the Man called “Buster’s braces”—scarlet webbing and buckles which he says I must wear every
     time I go in the car. He tried to put it on me as soon as we got home. I did all I could to help by rolling about on the floor
     and chewing the loose ends of the webbing, but he still could not work out which loops my legs went into and how to fasten
     the buckle at the back of my neck. He almost strangled me twice. Getting the harness on will add twenty minutes to every journey.
     With any luck he will get bored and throw it away in a week or two.
    While I was choking to death, with the webbing pressing against my windpipe, the Man told me that it was all being done for
     my own good. He said that, being just a dog, I wouldn’t see a crash coming so, when it happened, I wouldn’t have braced myself
     and I would fly about inside the car like a giant, furry squash ball. What I can’t understand is why, if he can see the crash
     coming, we have the crash.
    Once Precious Cargo is buckled on, it is comfortable enough—and rather dashing in its way. I look as if I am about to parachute
     into enemy territory forpurposes too secret to describe. But when it is used to make me as safe as he is, the result is a disaster. For the buckle
     between my shoulder blades is attached to the backseat safety belt and, although I can sit or lie down, prancing about is
     impossible. I am beginning to learn about caution and restraint. But without the freedom to prance, driving will lose its
     joy.
March 4, 1996
    I have been very ill. At first I thought it was the usual stomach trouble caused by eating filth. So I rushed about looking
     for grass to eat. Grass makes me sick. There is no grass in our house. So I got very agitated and started chewing the doormat
     in the hope it would have the same effect.
    It was very late, but the Man took me out and I ate a lot of real grass and was sick. I am very good at being sick. Once my
     stomach is full of grass I can vomit at will, contracting muscles so that I ripple from tail to head. It always makes me feel
     better. Last night I felt better for only a couple of hours, then I felt even worse than before. I started rushing aroundagain—forgetting that there is no grass in the house—and bumped into all the chairs and tables. The Man got out of bed looking
     very frightened, and asked me, “Are you all right?” It was a silly question.
    The Man knelt down and started to rub behind my ears. That