Burying Ben Read Online Free PDF Page A

u ’re feeling stressed. It’s a start. You can’t think clearly when you’re s t re ss ed, no one can. And you can’t calm your m i nd until your body is cal m . So let’s start there.”
    I take out a folder of handouts on breathing techniq u es and progres si ve relaxati o n. I don’t k n ow if it will work. People spend years m astering s e l f -soothing s kills. B u t it is a f irst s tep. Ben is a ni c e kid, m aybe too ni c e f or this job. But he’s had a rough start in life. He needs a break and, I hate to ad m it this to myself, I need to feel helpful.
    “Start practicing these exerci s es. T h ey’re very easy. W ork on them for 20 m inutes a day. Just f ollow the instructions. T hey’ll help your concentration. W hen your concentrati o n i m proves, so will your perfor m ance.”
    He flips through the papers I hand him a nd flashes another smile. “Ri m bauer told m e you were going to hypnotize m e or ask m e if he re m inded m e of m y father.”
    “Sorry to disappoint you.” I pick up a second file and hand it to hi m . “This is a learning style inventory. It will take you about 30 m i nutes to co m plete. Do it at ho m e a nd bring it with you for our next appoi nt m ent. W e a l l learn differently. This will gi v e us a profile of how you organize infor m ation. I have a hunch you’re a little different than most officers.”
    “ W hat do you m ean? Di f f erent ho w ?”
    “More sensitive, m aybe. More of a people person than m ost. I noticed that you took a great interest in that old m an who hung hi m self. You s ee m ed concerned. Many cops wouldn’t even notice or care.”
    “So, is that bad or good ?“
    “It can be very good. Cops need people skills because m ost of what they do involves talking to people.”
    He looks relie v ed though I’m only m aking him feel better for the m o m ent. W hat he really needs is a tough skin to shed all the m i sery he’s going to see. Instead, I fear he’s covered with V e lcro. Orphaned at ten, any call involving abandon m ent or child abuse has the potential to hit him hard and not let go.
    “I’m sure I can help you and Officer R i m bauer sort things out.” I don’t feel as certain as I sound, but hope is all I have to offer. “ W e ’ ll go over your learning inventory at our next appoint m ent and then we’ll bring Officer Ri m b auer into the discussion. In the m eantime, if you have any questions, feel free to call m e.”
    He looks skeptical. “Okay, Doc, if you say so. I’m at the end of m y rope.” I flash back to the old m an on the floor, to the endless loop of slides, and to the look on Ben’s face. The unconscious w orks overti m e. His is an interesting, though not accide n t al, choice of words.
    I don ’ t want to, but I call Mark and ask h i m to share Ben’s pre-e m ploy m ent psych assess m ent. I can picture him at his desk, bu r nished with the glow of his new young love. He’ll be glad to hear from m e, eager to help, full of all the happy details of his new life. I can hardly bear to hear his voice or fend off his efforts at friendship. Most of all, I can’t bear knowing he is immune to m y s orrow. He answers on the third ring. I lie and tell him I have only a few m i nutes to talk because a c lient is waiting.
    He doesn ’ t re m e mber Ben. “Getting old,” he jokes. “And busy. I ’ ve done so m any psychs in the last six months they all run together. Melinda ’ s helping out, but she’s studying for her licensing exa m . Let me get his file. I ’ ll call you back in five.”
    He calls back in ten.
    “Sorry. I can ’ t find his folder. W e ’ re in the m i ddle of switching over to a new co m puterized system and things are a m ess, boxes everywhere. It ’ s costing m e a fortune, but the old system can ’ t support the volu m e of t e sting I ’ m do i ng, and the state insists I encrypt all my reports. I ’ ll keep looking. Plus two of my clerical staff are out. One ’ s on