Bryant & May - The Burning Man Read Online Free PDF Page A

crime scene manager of the Peculiar Crimes Unit. ‘If he wants an ID I’ll need Giles,’ he warned through a mouthful of toast. He’d been forced to do the school run this morning because his wife had a doctor’s appointment, and had left his home in Croydon without any breakfast. ‘I don’t do bodies. We’ll have to have a pathologist. And what about—’
    ‘Don’t say their names.’ Land held up his hand. ‘If those two get anywhere near this, you know what will happen. One moment it’s a simple case of identification, and the next they’ll be hiring Devil-worshippers and trying to uncover some kind of global conspiracy. You know how weird Bryant gets.’
    ‘He gets results,’ Banbury reminded him, brushing crumbs from his shirt. ‘Does it matter what methods he uses?’
    ‘It does when I have to approve his expenses.’ Land slapped the stack of papers on his desk. ‘Look at this lot. Two hundred and fifty nicker for the services of an expert on premature burials. One hundred and seventy-five quid for an
occult archivist
, whatever that is. Seven pounds fifty and a hot meal for a bloke who said he could walk through walls – well, at least the price went down after he broke his nose. But it all mounts up, and it makes me look a total fool. I suppose there have been small triumphs,’ Land conceded. ‘I got Bryant to tidy his desk up and take that disgusting old Tibetan skull of his home. He says he’s going to use it as a sandwich container. Anyway, we haven’t got the case. We’ve got a new liaison officer by the name of Darren Link, and he already hates us. We’re just being used as an ancillary service, so there’s no reason to involve anyone else.’
    ‘All right,’ said Banbury, shaking his head as he took the work docket from Land, ‘but John and Mr Bryant will find out. They always do.’
    ‘Only if you tell them,’ Land all but shouted as his crime scene manager walked away.
    ‘Tell us what?’ asked John May, sauntering into the room with his hands in the pockets of his elegant navy-blue Savile Row suit.
    ‘There’s a door on this office,’ cried Land. ‘Would it be asking too much for you to knock first?’
    ‘Frankly, yes. Anyway, there’s not a door on your office.’ May hiked a thumb back at the bare hinges. The two Daves had taken it off over a week ago, saying something about sanding the bottom because it was catching on the floorboards, but it still hadn’t reappeared.
    ‘Then it’s a metaphorical door.’ Land dropped into his chair. ‘Knock before you come in.’
    ‘You want me to mime knocking? Should I also make my own sound effects?’ asked May. ‘Then what do I do, try the non-existent handle?’
    ‘I’m not going to have a conversation about an invisible door!’ shouted Land. ‘Just show some bloody respect!’
    ‘Why, what are you up to in here?’ May was instantly suspicious. ‘Why was Dan coming out with a file under his arm? Have you given him a job you’re not briefing us on? Arthur won’t be happy about that, you know.’
    ‘It’s got nothing to do with either of you. You don’t know everything that goes on around here.’
    ‘Yes, we do, because we’re the ones who tell you. You know Arthur insists on being in charge.’
    Land glanced towards the doorway, fully expecting his nemesis to come wandering in. ‘Just get on with your – whatever it is you’re doing.’
    ‘That’s just it,’ said May. ‘We’re not doing anything. There is nothing to do except paperwork. I thought that woman at the City of London was going to feed us fresh cases.’
    ‘Orion Banks has been replaced,’ said Land forlornly.
    ‘Already? That’s a shame. I thought she had taken a bit of a shine to you.’
    ‘Mind my grief. Just when my divorce is finally going through. I wasted the best years of my life with Leanne.’ Land looked as if he’d just missed the last bus home. ‘I should have dumped her and found someone else while I still had only one