extravagant feasts. Back then Baldy Li was still a poor lad and felt that having a bowl of house-special noodles was like taking a stroll in paradise—a stroll that he took fifty-six times during that half year.
Baldy Li's designs on a bowl of house-special noodles didn't always go smoothly, and sometimes he would attain it only after a certain amount of struggle. Countless people hoping to learn the secrets of Lin Hong's butt would try to get by with just plain noodles, but Baldy Li wouldn't fall for it and would patiently bargain until he got what he was after. As a result, each of these clients looked at him with new respect, remarking that this fifteen-year-old little bastard was sharper and drove a harder bargain than a fifty-year-old seasoned salesman.
Across from Blacksmith Tongs shop was a scissor sharpener's shop belonging to Old Scissors Guan and his son, Little Scissors Guan, whobegan learning his craft from his father when he was fourteen. Now in his twenties, Little Scissors Guan had neither wife nor girlfriend but had long admired Lin Hong; therefore he too wanted to learn the secrets of her bottom. He waved at Baldy Li and suggested that his good times were almost over, since Lin Hong would soon have a boyfriend, after which no one would have to treat Baldy Li to any more noodles. Therefore Baldy Li should take what he could and make do with the bowl of plain noodles, because soon he would be lucky to get even a bowl of broth.
Baldy Li was perplexed and asked, "Why is that?"
Little Scissors Guan explained: "Just think about it. Once Lin Hong has a boyfriend, certainly hell know more about her posterior than you. So everyone will go to him to find out about it, and then who'll pay any more attention to you?"
At first Baldy Li thought this made a lot of sense, but upon further reflection he noticed the fault in Little Scissors Guan s logic and asked with a chuckle, "But would Lin Hongs boyfriend tell you these details?"
Baldy Li then raised his head, closed his eyes, and said dreamily, "If one day I were to become her boyfriend, I certainly wouldn't tell anyone anything…"
He then turned to Little Scissors Guan and said shamelessly, "So you should seize the moment and treat me to a bowl of house-special noodles before I do become Lin Hong's boyfriend."
Though Baldy Li never yielded an inch on his asking price, he was a man of his word, so once he did get treated to a bowl, he never held back a single detail about the secrets of Lin Hong's butt. As a result, he enjoyed a steady stream of customers and almost more business than he could handle. There were even repeat customers, including one particularly forgetful person who came back three times.
When Baldy Li described the shape of Lin Hong's buttocks, his audience listened rapt with attention, their mouths hanging open, not even aware that they were drooling. But when he finished, they would look thoughtful and say, "It sounds a bit off."
Thanks to Baldy Li's detailed descriptions, these men understood that the Lin Hong they fantasized over every night was in fact a bit different from the actual person.
Poet Zhao also tracked down Baldy Li. One of the fifty-six bowls of house-special noodles that Baldy Li received was from Poet Zhao. AsBaldy Li enthusiastically gulped it down, he remarked that this bowl of noodles, for some reason, was tastier than the others. Beaming with satisfaction, he patted his chest and said to Poet Zhao, "There's only one person in all of China who has eaten more house-special noodles than I."
Poet Zhao asked, "Who would that be?"
"Chairman Mao," answered Baldy Li solemnly. "Of course, our venerable Chairman Mao can eat whatever he wants. Besides him, there's no one who can match me."
Poet Zhao had often gone to peep at women's butts in the same latrine where he caught Baldy Li, but after a whole year of surveillance he hadn't caught a single glimpse of Lin Hong's. Baldy Li had merely been poaching on Zhao's turf, but he
Baldy Li's designs on a bowl of house-special noodles didn't always go smoothly, and sometimes he would attain it only after a certain amount of struggle. Countless people hoping to learn the secrets of Lin Hong's butt would try to get by with just plain noodles, but Baldy Li wouldn't fall for it and would patiently bargain until he got what he was after. As a result, each of these clients looked at him with new respect, remarking that this fifteen-year-old little bastard was sharper and drove a harder bargain than a fifty-year-old seasoned salesman.
Across from Blacksmith Tongs shop was a scissor sharpener's shop belonging to Old Scissors Guan and his son, Little Scissors Guan, whobegan learning his craft from his father when he was fourteen. Now in his twenties, Little Scissors Guan had neither wife nor girlfriend but had long admired Lin Hong; therefore he too wanted to learn the secrets of her bottom. He waved at Baldy Li and suggested that his good times were almost over, since Lin Hong would soon have a boyfriend, after which no one would have to treat Baldy Li to any more noodles. Therefore Baldy Li should take what he could and make do with the bowl of plain noodles, because soon he would be lucky to get even a bowl of broth.
Baldy Li was perplexed and asked, "Why is that?"
Little Scissors Guan explained: "Just think about it. Once Lin Hong has a boyfriend, certainly hell know more about her posterior than you. So everyone will go to him to find out about it, and then who'll pay any more attention to you?"
At first Baldy Li thought this made a lot of sense, but upon further reflection he noticed the fault in Little Scissors Guan s logic and asked with a chuckle, "But would Lin Hongs boyfriend tell you these details?"
Baldy Li then raised his head, closed his eyes, and said dreamily, "If one day I were to become her boyfriend, I certainly wouldn't tell anyone anything…"
He then turned to Little Scissors Guan and said shamelessly, "So you should seize the moment and treat me to a bowl of house-special noodles before I do become Lin Hong's boyfriend."
Though Baldy Li never yielded an inch on his asking price, he was a man of his word, so once he did get treated to a bowl, he never held back a single detail about the secrets of Lin Hong's butt. As a result, he enjoyed a steady stream of customers and almost more business than he could handle. There were even repeat customers, including one particularly forgetful person who came back three times.
When Baldy Li described the shape of Lin Hong's buttocks, his audience listened rapt with attention, their mouths hanging open, not even aware that they were drooling. But when he finished, they would look thoughtful and say, "It sounds a bit off."
Thanks to Baldy Li's detailed descriptions, these men understood that the Lin Hong they fantasized over every night was in fact a bit different from the actual person.
Poet Zhao also tracked down Baldy Li. One of the fifty-six bowls of house-special noodles that Baldy Li received was from Poet Zhao. AsBaldy Li enthusiastically gulped it down, he remarked that this bowl of noodles, for some reason, was tastier than the others. Beaming with satisfaction, he patted his chest and said to Poet Zhao, "There's only one person in all of China who has eaten more house-special noodles than I."
Poet Zhao asked, "Who would that be?"
"Chairman Mao," answered Baldy Li solemnly. "Of course, our venerable Chairman Mao can eat whatever he wants. Besides him, there's no one who can match me."
Poet Zhao had often gone to peep at women's butts in the same latrine where he caught Baldy Li, but after a whole year of surveillance he hadn't caught a single glimpse of Lin Hong's. Baldy Li had merely been poaching on Zhao's turf, but he
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