Broken Silence Read Online Free PDF Page B

fuck’s sake, Oakley! How many times did I tell you how much you mean to me? How much I love you? How you are everything to me? I don’t get how you came to the conclusion that I was better off without you!” Present tense. He said everything in the present tense. Did that mean he still felt it?
    “I’m sorry. I thought you’d be fine and that you’d get over us and go to the university you’d always wanted to. I thought you’d find someone else and be happy.” As much him being with someone else would hurt, if he was happy, I could deal with it.
    “Well I didn’t. I’m not fine. I’m not over you. There’s no one else, and I’m not happy. I haven’t been properly happy in four years… but thank you for letting me go to university,” he said sarcastically. The snippy tone in his voice broke my heart. I had never heard Cole like that before. I didn’t blame him, but I hated it.
    I found it harder to breathe as I replayed his words in my head, even though I was hurt at how he had said it. There was no one else, but he wasn’t happy. I opened my mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words.
    “I guess it doesn’t matter to you though. You’ve got your perfect little life half way around the damn world.”
    That snapped me out of it. Australia was pretty perfect to me but my life sure as hell wasn’t.
    “You think I have a perfect life? You think I don’t feel the same way? For God’s sake, Cole! There’s not been one second that I haven’t thought about you. Every single thing reminds me of you or something we’ve done. Every morning when I wake up I still expect you to be there, and every morning you’re not it breaks my heart.”
    “You did it, Oakley! You. I wanted to come.”
    “I couldn’t ask you to move to the other side of the word.”
    “I would’ve moved to the fucking moon!” he shouted. I flinched. “Why can’t you understand that? You knew I wanted to be with you, so why did you do it?”
    I groaned in frustration and blurted out, “Because you deserve better than me.”
    He fell silent. My words hung over us like a dark cloud. Cole finally spoke first. “What? What do you mean?”
    I lowered my head and wished I hadn’t said anything at all.
    “Oakley?” he prompted.
    Sighing, I turned my head, looking away from him. I didn’t want to see his face when I confessed what I really thought. I knew now that what happened to me wasn’t my fault, but it didn’t change how I felt about myself.
    “You deserve someone that isn’t like me… someone that isn’t used, dirty and—”
    “Don’t finish that sentence,” he snapped, making me jump. I kept my eyes firmly fixed on one particular blade of grass that was slightly longer than the rest. “Look at me, Oakley. Please.”
    I took a deep breath and followed his instruction. He was closer than before. His eyes pierced into mine. My breath caught in my throat, and my heart went wild. I didn’t really expect him to kiss me, but I wanted him to so much.
    His face slowly softened. The hard line of his jaw disappeared. “What happened wasn’t your fault,” he said.
    “I know, but I can’t help how it makes me feel.” I blinked a few times to stop the tears falling. The only time I had admitted that out loud was in therapy. It wasn’t something I spoke about with Mum or Jasper because I didn’t want them to feel guilty.
    “You —”
    “Cole, please. I can’t talk about this now.” Seeing him after four years and having that conversation so soon was too much. I seriously didn’t want to get into what they did or how I felt about it.
    He sighed heavily, and I could tell he wanted to talk about it. He probably wanted to try to make me feel better. “Okay,” he said. I knew he would let it go for now, but he would definitely bring it up again.
    “I’m so sorry, Cole. I really did think I was doing the best thing,” I whispered. By leaving I had thrown away my chance at a future with him but he did