Bricking It

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Book: Bricking It Read Online Free PDF
Author: Nick Spalding
and is a wanker. There’s only one picture of him, and he’s wearing a trilby hat in it. A white one with a paisley band. He also has a moustache. One that tapers to a point at either end. Given that it’s not Movember, I can only assume that this is a permanent piece of facial furniture. I think the expression he is trying to achieve in the picture is one of considered intellect. Sadly, he’s failing, and it just looks like someone’s recently inserted a set square into his rectum.
    Nevertheless, all the reviews and opinions that I can find of Mitchell Hollingsbrooke say the same two things over and over again: he is good at his job, and even more importantly, he is cheap .
    With more than a slight degree of trepidation I call his office and book an appointment to meet with him, through his exotic-sounding assistant, Mischa.
    Danny is initially reluctant to attend the meeting as it’s at 8.45 in the morning, but I sweeten the deal by offering to buy him breakfast afterwards.
    ‘Alright, I’ll come in that case,’ he says, proving that any man can be pretty much told to do anything, providing you reward them with something covered in sugar that they can shove in their mouths. ‘Please don’t expect me to do much of the talking, though,’ he adds. ‘I haven’t the slightest idea what to say.’
    I snort. ‘And you think I have? Basically I’m going to show him a few photos of the farmhouse along with a floor plan, and hope he doesn’t throw us both out of the door with a sneer on his face.’
    Mitchell Hollingsbrooke doesn’t have an office in the strictest sense of the word. You might think somebody in the architectural world would secrete himself away in some ultra-modern, high-class office space, full of interesting and valuable pieces of art that inexplicably look cheap and nasty when you actually get up close and give them a good hard look. Everywhere is lit with long strip-lighting, and the furniture is the optical illusion type that looks comfortable from a distance, but the minute you park your backside on it, you discover that you’re sitting on something even Torquemada would have found a bit excessive.
    None of this for Mitchell Hollingsbrooke, though. He chose to set up shop on a houseboat. A very large, blue houseboat. And not one of the new ones either. This thing looks like it just sailed straight out of an episode of Howard’s Way .
    When Mischa told me the address was 13 The River’s Edge, I thought it would be a road next to the river, but no, here we are, standing right on the riverbank, and there is the sign for Hollingsbrooke’s architectural practice, nailed to a pole next to a long gangplank that leads down to the deck of the aforementioned gigantic old houseboat.
    ‘This guy designs houses?’ Danny asks, as we study the sign, double-checking that we haven’t got the wrong end of the stick completely.
    ‘Yep. This is it,’ I reply, consulting the email Mischa sent me.
    ‘Fantastic. Well, we’re fine then, providing you want the place to have a nautical theme,’ Danny says, and takes himself off down the gangplank.
    This is a somewhat worrying development, it has to be said. What kind of architect would keep office hours on a house boat?
    The stark raving mad kind, that’s who.
    When I join Danny on the deck outside the – the what? Front door? Cabin door? I know as much about boats as I do about brain surgery – I can’t help but feel we may be on a hiding to nothing here. The front windows on the houseboat are tinted so you can’t see in. A small plaque on the door features Hollingsbrooke’s name again, as well as the entreaty to knock politely and wait. I feel less like I’m about to meet an architect, and more like I’m about to meet a lower-ranking member of the royal family.
    ‘Oh yes, this is going to be fun,’ Danny intones.
    ‘We don’t have any other choice. I took the morning off work for this, so we’re going in. Besides, the only other guy available
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