Breathing Room Read Online Free PDF Page A

wine.
    He began toying with the tips of her fingers, letting her know this was more than a casual flirtation. This was a seduction, and the fact that it was calculated bothered her for only a moment. She was too demoralized for subtlety.
    "Hold your body precious,"the Spiritual Dedication Cornerstone advised."You're a treasure, God's greatest creation..." She absolutely believed that, but Michael had bruised her soul, and this fallen angel named Dante promised a dark kind of redemption, so she smiled at him and didn't move her hand away.
    He leaned farther back in his chair, at ease with his body in a way few men were. She envied his physical arrogance.
    Together they watched the American students grow more boisterous. He ordered a fourth glass of wine for her. She shocked herself by flirting a little with her eyes.See, Michael, I know how to do this. And do you know why? Because I'm a lot more sexual than you think I am.
    She was glad the language barrier made conversation impossible. Her life had been filled with words: lectures, books, interviews. PBS played her videos whenever they had a fund drive. She'd talked, talked, talked. And look what it had gotten her.
    His finger slipped beneath her hand and stroked the cradle of her palm in a gesture that was purely carnal.Savonarola , that fifteenth-century enemy of everything sensual, had been burned at the stake in this very piazza. Would she burn?
    She was burning now, and her head was spinning. Still, she wasn't so drunk that she didn't notice that his smile never made it to his eyes. He'd done this a hundred times before. This was about sex, not sincerity.
    That's when it struck her. He was a gigolo.
    She started to snatch away her hand. But why? This simply spelled everything out in black and white, something she usually appreciated. She lifted her wineglass to her lips with her free hand. She'd come toItalyto reinvent her life, but how could she do that without erasing the ugly tape of Michael's accusation that kept playing in her head? The tape that made her feel shriveled and lacking. She fought back her despair.
    Maybe Michael was responsible for their sexual problems. Hadn't Dante the gigolo shown her more about lust in a few minutes than Michael had shown her in four years?
    Maybe a pro could accomplish what an amateur hadn't been able to. At least a pro could be trusted to push the proper buttons.
    The fact that she was even thinking about this should shock her, but the past six months had numbed her to shock. As a psychologist, she knew for certain that no one created a new life by ignoring old problems. They simply came back to bite again.
    She knew she shouldn't make a decision about something this important when she wasn't sober. On the other hand, if she were sober, she'd never consider it, and that suddenly seemed like the worst mistake she could make. What better use could she find for the little money she had left than to put the past to rest so she could move ahead? This was the missing piece of her plan to reinvent herself.
    Solitude,Rest ,Contemplation , andSexual Healing – four steps all leading to a fifth, Action. And all, more or less, in keeping with the Four Cornerstones.
    He took his time finishing his wine, stroking her palm, sliding his finger beneath her gold bangle and over the pulse at her wrist. Abruptly he grew bored with the game and flung a handful of bills on the table. He rose and slowly extended his hand.
    Now was the time to decide. All she had to do was keep her hand on the table and shake her head. A dozen other women sat within breathing distance, and he wouldn't make a fuss.
    "Sex will not fix what's broken inside you,"Dr. Isabel said when she lectured."Sex without a deep and abiding love will only leave you feeling sad and small. So fix yourself first. Fix yourself! Then you can think about sex. Because if you don't – if you try to use sex to hide your addictions, to hurt the people who've abused you, to heal your insecurities