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they helped me to my feet, when they covered me with a blanket, when they walked me to the office. I never cried or broke when they told me there’d been an accident. It was like I was outside myself. I heard them, but I couldn’t process their words. I felt that he was gone, but I didn’t believe it.”
    “You were in shock.”
    I nodded. “Yes. Lucy helped me change and Jet helped me get home.”
    “Did you have anyone?”
    “A few of the subs stayed with me while I made arrangements and went through the motions. I zoned out completely I went to work.. I followed my routine, the one he’d established for me, for us. It was several weeks before the will was read. He’d left me the store. The construction was well underway between the store and the café. His will took care of everything. He was good like that. So conscientious. So responsible. He’d been a lawyer before owning the store. I didn’t have to do anything.”
    “When did it hit you?”
    “The day the construction was finished. I walked in and it was beautiful. It was exactly what we’d talked about and envisioned. It was… This.” I swung my arms wide, as though I could enfold the place in an embrace. “I pulled out my cell and dialed his number immediately, wanting to tell him. It wasn’t until I received the message that the number was no longer in service that I… I crumbled on the floor, right inside the door. I remember…” I sniffled and again swiped the back of my hand over my face. Jared didn’t mind the sight of my tears or smeared snot or spit when I cried. He was a good one. “I remember someone opened the door and saw me there. She asked if we were open and if I was okay. I screamed at her to get out. After the third time, she finally got it. I crawled to the door, locked it, then made my way to his office in the back. I didn’t leave for three days. The assistant managers took over. When I came out, I was different. If I had been emotionless before that, I was more so after.”
    “You haven’t cracked since?”
    “No.” Why was I no longer proud of that fact? I’d been strong. I’d been unruffled. I’d been solid and stoic. Why did all that seem so wrong now?
    “And you haven’t been back to The Club ?”
    “No.”
    “Come with me.”
    I stared at him in shock, then stumbled out of the chair. I shook my head. “No. I can’t ever go there again.”
    He stood, unwavering in the midst of my sudden movement away from him. “I’ll be there Friday night,” he said, as though I hadn’t said anything at all. “It’s my night off work. Come with me.”
    “No. I… I can’t.” Some sick, twisted part of me wanted to say yes, but I clamped my mind down on her.
    “Can’t, Claire? Or won’t?”
    “Both.”
    “I see.”
    “I’m sor —”
    “Don’t,” he barked, but almost immediately, his expression softened. “Don’t say it. Your apology isn’t what I want.”
    “I can’t give you what you want, Jared.” I really, really wanted to, though. “You asked what happened to him, I told you. I can’t give more than that.”
    “I beg to differ. I’ll be there Friday night. Waiting.”
    “What about tomorrow?” I was afraid I wouldn’t see him again, especially if I didn’t show up as he wanted. I wasn’t ready to not see him again. I wasn’t ready for him to disappear from my life, yet. He’d made me feel. He’d made me cry. He’d made me face the pain no one else had dared broach the subject of. I wasn’t ready to go back into that place inside my head where I was alone and merely taking up space.
    He smiled at my question and placed a kiss to the top of my head. “Thank you for sharing your story with me. He was important to you and I’m not looking to take his place. But I think you have more to give, more you want to give. I want that part of you.”
    He walked out of the store, leaving me different than when he’d walked in. What was I supposed to do now?

 
     
     
     
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