Board Stiff: A Dead-End Job Mystery Read Online Free PDF

“I can’t refund your money.”
    “That’s okay,” he said. “I want to relax. I’m tired and hungover.”
    Hungover? Helen thought. The man looked like he binged on bottled water.
    “You go have fun, honeybunch,” he said. “Don’t let me spoil your good time.” His voice was slick with insincerity.
    “You promised,” Ceci said, and gave a little-girl pout.
    “I know I did,” he said, “but I’m not up to it today. You can use the exercise, Chubbette.” He swatted her on the bottom.
    Helen would have flattened Phil if he had said that, but Ceci looked at her husband like a whipped dog. “I did put on a couple of pounds,” she said.
    Show some spine, woman, Helen wanted to say.
    “A couple? More like forty,” Daniel said.
    “I’ve been trying to lose it,” she said, “but it won’t come off.”
    “Not the way you ate last night,” Daniel said.
    Jeez, Helen thought. Let the woman enjoy her vacation.
    “That’s why I want to go stand-up paddleboarding this morning. It will get rid of the spare tire around my middle.”
    “Not unless you paddle to Cuba,” Daniel said.
    Helen was relieved when Sunny Jim interrupted the insult fest. “I’m not sure you should go out this morning, Ceci,” he said. “It’s high tide and there’s a west wind blowing against you. I don’t think you’re experienced enough to handle a paddleboard in those conditions.”
    “It’s an
ocean
breeze,” Ceci said. “And the water’s not that deep. Look at those people out there at the no-swimming markers. The water’s only up to their armpits. It’s not that deep.”
    “You can drown in a bathtub,” Jim said.
    “And I could get hit by a car in the parking lot,” Ceci said. “If you won’t rent me a board, I’ll call your competition—what’s his name?”
    “Bill’s Boards,” Daniel said.
    “Bill will deliver a board to me right here,” she said. “Are you going to rent me a board or not?”
    At the mention of his hated rival, Jim caved. He pointed to the pier and said, “You can’t go within five hundred feet of the pilings. See where those mint green shower stands are?”
    “Where the two boys are washing sand off their feet?” Ceci asked.
    “That’s it,” Jim said. “The no-swimming signs are posted beside them, and you can see the red warning buoys. Don’t go past them or you’ll get in a wicked rip current. Stay away from it, or you could get pulled under.”
    Ceci nodded.
    “There’s another reason you should avoid that pier,” Jim said. “Folks are fishing off it. You could get a hook stuck in you. And don’t go out past the orange no-swimming markers. Are you a good swimmer?”
    “Yes,” Ceci said.
    “She’ll be fine. Fat floats better than muscle.” Daniel insulted his wife with a smile.
    Ceci’s face clouded briefly. Phil was frowning, too. Or was that the sun?
    “Can you remember all that?” Jim asked.
    “Yes,” Ceci said. She squared her shoulders and said, “I’m ready.”
    “Here’s a life vest,” Jim said.
    Ceci buckled it on and her husband gave a jackass bray. “You look like a freakin’ pumpkin in that orange vest,” he said.
    “She looks nice and safe,” Phil said.
    Ceci unbuckled the vest and handed it to Jim. “Thanks, but it will throw off my balance. You didn’t make me wear one yesterday.”
    “You don’t have to wear one in a swimming area, but you do have to keep it on your board,” Jim said. “That’s a Coast Guard rule. If you go outside that swimming area I showed you, you have to wear the jacket.” Phil grabbed Ceci’s board by the handle and carried it toward the water. Jim followed with the paddle and the life jacket.
    “Bye, honey,” Ceci said. “Enjoy your rest on the beach.”
    “So long. All that talk about St. Louis beer made me thirsty,” Daniel said. “Think I’ll get me a burger with extra onions and an ice-cold beer. Best cure for a hangover.”
    Helen wondered if Daniel knew—or cared—how cruel he was