Primal Scream (Box Set #1, Taboo Sex + AFF) Read Online Free PDF Page A

with your life so that I can too, and finally believe that this is how it has to be:
    goodbye.
     
    [Julie : 15 June 2007]
     
    Ed left yesterday.
    I’m sad — the house is so quiet. The room is empty.
    I keep thinking I’ll still find him there. Under the bed, hidden in the closet, hidden beneath the window.
    That was funny, the one time someone was at the window. My window. Ed’s friend, Rafiz. He snuck in at around 2am, about two years ago. Rafiz’s parents were fighting. He didn’t know where else to go, and he didn’t have a cell phone. “Joo-lieeeee”...he was calling out, and tapping on the glass pane.
    I don’t know how the guy shuttled up the tree, in order to get there. Anyway, I woke Ed up. They played Tomb Raider on Ed’s computer for a few hours. Rafiz went back at sunrise.
    A lot of Ed’s stuff is still there, but it’s him that’s missing, and that’s a lot worse than if his room was totally stripped of his belongings. He left so quickly! Here today and gone tomorrow.
    I would have liked to have spent more time with him. I guess I can still keep in touch with him online and all. But it’s just not the same.
    I didn’t get to tell him that I’m dating this new guy, Kyle. He’s a skater so he has a nice body. Looks so cute with a ski or skull cap too.
    I’m into him, but I’m not sure if I want to sleep with him, or when. I haven’t wanked him or anything either. I don’t think about it much. Taking things slow. Furthest we’ve gone is kissing and some light petting.
    Oh yeah, and the other day, Sandra said to me that “Ed is so hot.”
    “ I’d fix a date for you if he wasn’t moving out,” I replied. But I lied right through my teeth. The fact is that I would mind, and that made me stop and think for a bit.
    Is it wrong for your best friend to date your sibling? I guess it technically isn’t, but things might get messy and all that. The thing is, I wasn’t so concerned about that. I was more aware of the surge of jealousy that came up within me — to see Sandra going out with Ed, holding hands with him, feeling him, and tasting his lips and tongue...and maybe they’d be in the room next to mine...and I suddenly realize that I am more experienced sexually, than Ed.
    Well, unless he’s kept some stuff from me. But whenever I asked, I believe he was honest. He doesn’t know I’ve had one partner, Bobby, and done some stuff with a few guys over the years. Why hasn’t he ever asked? I always thought it was because he thought it wasn’t appropriate. But if I asked him why didn’t he ask me back? I would gladly have told him.
    I guess he’s one of those super stable people internally. The sort that has their own reasons for doing things. It’s like they have this internal navigational system and intuition that they trust totally. 
    I wish mine was stronger. I know that I have some intuition in me, but Lordy, sometimes I really don’t know how I’m supposed to trust it, when it can tell me things like Bobby being my “one true love”. Seeing how that ended, I wonder how I’m ever supposed to trust my internal guidance ever again.
    Maybe it’s something I’ll learn over time.
    I hope Ed is doing well. He’s now in a bigger city that’s five hours’ drive away. Renting a one bedroom apartment, $400 per month. He took a bus down. I think the ticket cost $75.
    He didn’t seem as excited as I thought he’d be. Ed didn’t tell me or anyone about it until the last minute. I think he just doesn’t want us to worry too much.
    When I asked, “What are you going to be working as?”, he said he was “going to work in retail sales,” and maybe be an “assistant swim coach.”
    I’d be THRILLED living in a new place. Maybe I’ll do that myself. Maybe with Sandra if she’s interested.
    At least Ed knows what he wants. I haven’t thought about what I want to do after I graduate from high school. Now would be a good time to start.
    Last night, I was half-praying and