visited Euston as a candidate did he make a secret of his natural Oxbridge-assisted superiority to these touching but hopelessly naive colonial morons.
Bentham grabs the podium with both hands and leans down as if he means to kiss it, then straightens up, crackles a sheet of paper over his head, and says, âDear friends and colleagues, I have here a copy of the Euston College policy on sexual harassment.â He smiles at this terribly amusing symptom of their hangover from Puritan repression, at the same time suggesting the slightly perverted headmaster who would cane them in a minute for the mildest infraction. âOne receives this paper in oneâs mailbox every Septemberâ¦along with updates on the health plan and cafeteria hours. All of which one tosses straightaway in the trash.â
The facultyâs chuckles are guilty and pleased. How well Daddy knows them.
âI know I throw it away, unread. Though itâs my unpleasant duty to write it. But the current zeitgeist is such thatâone knows about the grotesqueries at State, thereâs no need to add to the gossipâone has to understand that itâs a whole newâ¦cricket match out there. So I thought we might spend a moment or two going over it together.â
A faint groan goes up from the room, the facultyâs docile protest. Their dean lets them have their feelings, and then gets back to business.
Sherrie whispers in Swensonâs ear, âThis is so that if the college gets sued they can say they warned us.â
Of course, itâs just like Sherrie to get it right the first time, without the pointless ruminations on British cultural imperialism and Puritan moral baggage. Sherrie knows itâs simpler, itâs about indemnification. The collegeâs fear of litigation is as intense as Jonathan Edwardsâs terror of hellfire. One expensive lawsuit could push Eustonâwith its alarmingly tiny endowmentâover the edge.
âOne,â reads Francis Bentham in his ironic baritone. âNo Euston College faculty member shall have sexual relations with a currently enrolled or former student, nor offer to trade sexual favors for academic advancement.â
All right. They can agree to that, so long as itâs not retroactive. In the old days, undergraduate paramours were a perk that went with the job. But already Bentham has moved from these clear prohibitionsâas simple and as hard to obey as the Ten Commandmentsâinto the fuzzy area of the hostile workplace, the atmosphere of intimidation. No matter. Like Jonathan Edwardsâs audience, Benthamâs listeners drift from the subject of mass retribution to the juicier topic of each oneâs secret sin and its chance of being discovered.
Puritanismâs alive and well. Thank God for repression. What if someone rose to say what so many of them are thinking, that thereâs something erotic about the act of teaching, all that information streaming back and forth like someâ¦bodily fluid. Doesnât Genesis trace sex to that first bite of apple, not the fruit from just any tree, but the Tree of Knowledge?
Teacher-student attraction is an occupational hazard. Over the years, plenty of girls have had crushes on Swenson. Heâs not flattering himself about this. Itâs built into the system. Still, their interest is flattering, which in itself is attractive, and so their attention was sometimes returned in ways that couldnât have been more harmless. So what if he read Miss A.âs paper first, or looked to see if Miss B. got his joke? More often than not, those students worked harder and learned more. And those fleetingâ¦attachments never led any further. Swenson should be canonized. Heâs the saint of Euston!
As hard as it might be for anyone, including himself, to believe, heâs taught here for twenty years and never once slept with a student. He loves Sherrie. He wants his marriage to last. Heâs always