Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren't Being Fooled Read Online Free PDF Page A

discipline of psychology question everything it thinks it knows.
     
    Notes
     
1. J. J. Freyd, “Blind to Betrayal: New Perspectives on Memory for Trauma,” Harvard Mental Health Letter, 15 (12) (1999): 4–6.
2. R. E. Goldsmith, M. R. Barlow, and J. J. Freyd, “Knowing and Not Knowing about Trauma: Implications for Therapy,” Psychotherapy: Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 41 (2004): 448–463.

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    Children Betrayed
     
    Consider the situation of a child who is betrayed by his or her parents. Most children are not strong enough within themselves to confront betrayal by a parent on whom they depend for their very existence. The relationship with their parents is far too important for them to risk losing it. Yet there are many ways that parents can betray a child in his or her vulnerability. One of the greatest fears for a child is the fear of abandonment; children must trust that their parents will not hurt or leave them. Abandonment can occur in purely physical ways, that is, through actually leaving children when they are helpless. It can also occur in emotional ways, through rejection and withdrawal of love. The free fall and disorientation for these children may result in the lack of a coherent sense of self. What is wrong? They can't know about the betrayal or name it that way. So children will dissociate into parts, develop strange fears, or experience a myriad of other reactions to hide from themselves and others the deep betrayal.
     
    One way that children may manage betrayal at the hands of their parents or caregivers is to turn the blame inward. Similar to being blind to the betrayal or forgetting about it later, such shame could protect the relationship by allowing the child to maintain an attachment to the abusive caregiver by blaming him- or herself instead of the true perpetrator. Although this seems unlikely and perhaps unbelievable to our adult minds, it is a real strategy to maintain family ties in the face of ongoing betrayal.
     
    With repeated betrayal, the shame becomes chronic. Debbie, a psychotherapy client, had been constantly criticized and blamed by her stepmother for her failure to live up to adult standards. In other words, Debbie's “sin” was being a child. As a result, she developed a chronic sense of failure and an almost total lack of self-esteem. As an adult, when things started to go wrong, either at work or in the family, she suffered a sense of internal collapse, blaming herself. Although the shame allowed Debbie to stay in a relationship with her abusive stepmother, it exacted a tremendous cost on Debbie's well-being as an adult. In current research in our laboratory with Melissa Platt, we are investigating the relationship between betrayal trauma and shame. Our preliminary findings indicate that shame is indeed associated with exposure to traumas that have a high level of betrayal, but not to traumas with a low degree of betrayal. This preliminary finding is consistent with our hypothesis that shame, similar to unawareness and other aspects of betrayal blindness, helps preserve necessary relationships.
     
    Children need secure and trusting relationships to grow and thrive. Their very sense of self and emotional stability depends on it. Betrayal damages that web of relationships on which we all depend. Imagine for a moment a free-fall feeling of betrayal with no comprehension of its source. The confusion and disorientation can't be understood by young children, so they go into a kind of internal whirling and feeling of craziness. As adults, we can give a name to the events that caused our free fall. Children only whirl—attempting to hold onto anything stable in their world. If there are no other trusting relationships, and the betrayal is widespread, children can find stability only by locating within themselves the badness that happened.
     
    Judy's mother died in an automobile accident when Judy was four years old. Shortly afterward, Judy's father abandoned her to