Billionaire Secrets of a Wanglorious Bastard Read Online Free PDF Page A

went under.”
    My stomach rumbled. This was not what I’d signed up for at all. I had offers at other firms I turned down, because of the art law group, cushy summers, and lifestyle. Now I have none of that.  
    Goddamn it. I wanted to hit something. So I slapped my thigh.
    Tani said, “You okay?”
    “It was a fly.”
    “Okay.”
    I took a deep breath. I can do this. Just find one person. I could totally do it. Things were different, but I could adapt.  
    “Okay.” I extended a hand to Enos. “Sorry, cousin.”
    He looked at me sideways. “We're cool.”
    “You just gonna leave me hanging?”
    “Fuck is that.” He slapped my hand.  
    “I deserved that. So, if we're good, give me a breakdown.”
    Tani said, “First, you have Grimes. He's a new-school partner. Sees clients are walking dollars to be spent. Nothing more.”
    Enos said, “Annoying kissass.”
    I said, “He's a baller?”
    Tani nodded. “He doesn’t surround himself with trappings of money.”
    Enos said, “He leaves that to his girl, Trudi.”
    I said, “Trudi?”
    Enos said, “I'll tell you about her later. But she's the reason why he's pussy whipped.”
    Tani said, “I just think he lacks self-esteem. But it just manifests itself in terrible ways.”
    I said, “Like what?”
    Enos said, “He imposes his will on inferiors and his peers, while kissing superior ass.”
    Tani said, “Shouting at his secretary to motivate instead of the old-school flowers, candy, and genteel ways.”
    Enos said, “Don't forget bullying clients.”
    I said, “With his fists?”
    Enos sniggered. “That dweeb? He's just annoying. Passive-aggressive bullying.”
    I said, “Okay, I don't want to work for him. What about Trudi?”
    Enos said, “Jasmine/Trudi. Grade A gold digger who believes she’s an independent, classy woman, but really is a spoiled Carrie Bradshaw wannabe.”
    Tani said, “She creates unnecessary drama.”
    Enos said, “She's always bandaged. Addicted to unnecessary cosmetic surgical procedures.”
    I said, “Self-esteem?”
    Enos said, “Racist. She's removing all vestiges of ethnicity.”
    Tani said, “And she always has roaming fat from liposuction.”
    I gagged.
    Tani said, “First belly, then leg, then a humpback.”
    I said, “Why is fat removal racist?'
    Enos said, “The name 'Jasmine' was too ethic for her. So she introduces herself as Trudi. She's an Iranian who thinks she’s white, and looks down on minorities.”
    Tani said, “She's kind of white. You know, off-white.”
    I said, “I dated someone like that once. Would be tricky. Any other intel on her?”
    Enos said, “She masturbates to online Cartier/Tiffany websites.”
    I said, “By herself?”
    Enos nodded. “Pops caught her on all fours in her office paddling the pink canoe on the ground while surfing those sites on her iPad.”
    Tani said, “Don't you mean on her threes? She needed one to do the paddling.”
    Enos sucked his teeth. “She still could've used an elbow.”
    Tani did a double take. “To paddle?”
    Enos balled a fist. “To rest on the ground while her hand did the paddling. The fuck, man?”
    I said, “Let me guess. She calls drinks ‘cocktails’ and refers to a boyfriend as ‘lover’ even though they’re not fucking.”
    Tani said, “She's ambitious about being…ambitious.
    Enos added, “She moves throughout the firm. First, she started with a mailroom guy, then a paralegal, then a lawyer.” Enos beamed and clasped his hands together. “Cuz, you could pretend to be a partner and see if she wants you.”
    I waved him away. “I don't need to pretend to be anything.”
    Tani whipped out his pinky. “Is that a bet?”
    I said, “What's your problem?”
    Tani frowned like I’d crushed his dreams.  
    Enos said, “There's a woman you should definitely stay away from. Natasha. Stack hired her for himself, so anyone who goes out with her is canned.”
    I grinned. “So I really need to know her?”
    Enos rushed me. “You are to