Big Girls Don't Cry Read Online Free PDF Page A

presence was overwhelming. This big man made her nervous. Without dwelling on it, she knew it was his uniform. He wore the ACU camouflage that Anthony used to wear. The green beret visible in his pants pocket said it all. From the steely-eyed way he looked at her, she knew that she wouldn’t be able to push him around the way she had the chief. Unlike the police chief, Agent Gardner was quietly confident, not the least intimidated by her. He was looking at her, as if he had something important to say. It frightened her.
    She wanted to leave. The meeting had taken its toll. The references to Anthony, hearing his name spoken by people she didn’t know, people she didn’t want to know, was painful. Each time she heard his name, the reality hit her, a physical blow. Anthony was dead. And tomorrow she would look at his personal things, his autopsy report. The experience with the eight men had shaken her foundation. She’d managed to put on a good act. But she could tell from the way her legs were shaking that she only had minutes before the panic flared. She needed air. Or to run. Anything to leave this building where death was a common topic of conversation, where grief stricken people sat in ugly metal chairs waiting to talk with the men and women who faced death and grief too often to let it affect them.
    She glanced up to see Agent Gardner looking at her through narrowed eyes, knowing eyes. The kindness in his expression unnerved her, threatened her shaky reserves. It took her a moment to remember his question. He wanted to talk to her. Keep her longer, to talk about Anthony.
    “No, I… I can’t. I need to leave now.” She stumbled as she backed away, and muttered to herself, “these damn high heels.”
    He caught her arm, steadying her, and nodded as if he understood.
    “I see.”
    When she jerked away from his grasp, he added, “How about tomorrow when you come to pick up the things you requested from Chief Burton?”
    Remembering the flustered police chief’s response to her outrageous demands, she gave a soft snort, “If he’ll give them to me.”
    “I’ll see that he gives you everything that he’s allowed to give.”
    Surprised at his calm acceptance of her demands, she murmured, “Thank you.”
    His quiet certainty reassured her and disturbed her at the same time. This was a man accustomed to commanding. Strong men and women did what he told them to do and didn’t ask questions. She wondered what happened to his quiet authority when someone – someone like her—bucked his requests. When she looked up at him, she saw he had not moved. He regarded her solemnly, as if he was drilling down, beneath the hard shell she kept tightly sheathed around her.
    “Tomorrow, then?”
    She took another step backward, glancing over her shoulder at the exit that seemed far down the hallway. His knowing look threatened her –and annoyed her.
    “I don’t know. It depends on how the meeting goes with the chief. And… my schedule, what else I have going on...”
    She couldn’t believe the way that her voice trailed off. God, had she actually stammered? What was wrong with her? What was it about him that was so unsettling? Of all the people she had met in this hideous place, he was the kindest, the most competent. He actually could help her. But there was something about him that disturbed her. He would demand things of her in return, more than she was willing to give. He would want to know her, know what she was thinking, worm his way under the reserves it had taken her a lifetime to construct.
    His quiet response broke through her jumbled reverie.
    “I see.”
    Then just as she knew in her gut that he would, he pressed, wanted more.
    “I’m curious, Alexis. Have you ever read an autopsy report?”
    She closed her eyes to shut out the gruesome memories. When she opened them he was frowning at her, his concern apparent. She looked him in the eye.
    “I’ve seen my share of dead bodies, Agent Gardner. Does that