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lips touched. Our eyes were still open, and our lips just touched. The air suddenly felt electric in the small car. One of us moaned, and that was it. Our lips sealed in a true kiss, our eyes closed, and I moved my left arm to bring him closer to me. I needed to touch him. He licked over my bottom lip. My whole body reacted as I opened my lips to let him in. Our tongues danced and swirled. It was frenzied and passionate, like nothing I’d felt kissing anyone ever. My hands moved over his face and through his dark hair. It was soft to the touch. I shifted my hands to the nape of his neck to hold him closer as I deepened the kiss. He groaned into my mouth, and I could feel it throughout my body. I was more turned-on than even a hot kiss should call for. And it ended too soon. He pulled away from me and gently pushed me back.
    “Wow, Matty. That was some good night kiss.” Aaron let out an exaggerated sigh and once again reached for the door handle. “I’ll see you around.”
    “Can I get your number?” I held my breath for a second. I wanted him to want to see me again too. But I had no idea what I was thinking. To what end?
    “Matt.” He paused and looked into my eyes. “Why? I’m not sure if it was apparent to you or not, but I’m gay. I’m out, I’m proud. You are maybe iffy about the gay part, bi, or just curious, I don’t know. But you aren’t out or proud. And you told me you have a girlfriend. I don’t know why you want my number. I like you and I loved just talking to you tonight, but really.”
    “Aaron.” I had to try one more time. “Please. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here. I admit it. I’ve been thinking about you nonstop for a week. And somehow I run into you again tonight. We spend the evening talking. Look, I don’t know why, but I’m….” I couldn’t think of anything else to say. Frustration was eating at me. It was silent in the car for a minute, just the sound of us breathing.
    Aaron sighed heavily again.
    “Okay. Give me your phone number and I’ll call you so you have it in your received calls. Good? But Matt….” He paused and looked into my eyes with a very serious expression. “I’m not playing games. You’re hot and you seem like a good guy. Against my better judgment, I like you. But you have baggage, my friend. And I prefer to travel lightly.”
    He took my number and called it from his cell. Then he looked at me meaningfully before getting out of the car.
    “Good night, Matty. Take care.”
    I leaned across the center partition and watched as he opened the door to his apartment building. Once he was safely inside, I sat back in my seat and put my head on the steering wheel. I let the waves of confusion and frustration wash over me before I pulled slowly away from the curb.

2

     
     
    T HE month that followed passed quickly. I didn’t see Aaron. I didn’t try to call him. I didn’t regret anything that had gone on between us. It really was innocent enough, with one minor exception. Aaron was a man. A beautiful, sexy gay man. And I identified myself as a heterosexual and had a girlfriend.
    Here was the truth… I wasn’t completely straight, which I suppose meant I was bisexual. What I hated was that I had to qualify what I meant by that statement. I had found other men attractive in the past; however, I only acted on it once.
    I was a freshman in college at a very raucous party when I met my one and only previous gay experience. But it was a doozy. I didn’t know the guy at all. I think he was a little older than me. I remember us talking in the kitchen and then him being literally in my space. It didn’t bother me. I remember being turned on. So when he told me he wanted to show me something in the bedroom, I followed him. I wasn’t thinking sex. I was thinking he was going to offer me drugs, which I would have refused. But I didn’t predict the searing-hot kiss or the way his hands moved all over my body. I couldn’t have predicted my