Bellona (Part 1.5 of The Saskia Trilogy) Read Online Free PDF Page B

look around at all the faces that seemed to mash together. Music starts up again and the beating of drums and their laughter has my heart pounding. I can no longer hear them, only my own blood pouring through my veins.
    I don’t run as my body commands but walk stiffly away from the laughter. I will not cry , I chant in my head. My chest feels tight, my heart beats erratically but still I walk, letting the distance grow between me and the beat of drums from my party. I hate her more than anything. I move through the garden until the drums are a distant sound and I stand so very still. My head pounds with the want to cry, yet I don’t. The tightness in my chest is causing a dizziness, my shallow breaths make it hard to focus, my knees buckle, small stones dig into my knees as I hit the ground. But the pain doesn’t register, it only gives way to the anger and hurt that is built up inside me. A whimper escapes my lips as my eyes shoot around the garden. I want someone to save me, someone to take this pain away. But no one is here; there never is anyone to save me. My chest grows tighter as if a boulder has been placed on top of it. I can feel the panic, the need for release and I let it go roaring into the night sky. My screams turn into cries that wreak my body before I roar again, digging my hands into the small stones, letting them dig into my flesh. Hysterical laughter bubbles up inside me before turning into sobs again. I feel my control slipping, my hand strike my face hard and fast as I scream before digging my nails into my scalp. I howl, not from the pain I am inflicting on myself but from the pain that rises inside me. I continue to scream and roar, cry and laugh. My body shakes, my hair tears free from my scalp, warm liquid drips down the side of my face. I don’t know how long I stay like that but my body grows limp, my heart heavy, my sobs a whimper. At that moment I know I don’t want to live like this any longer, I can’t, I won’t. I want it to end. I lie down slowly, my body shaking as my soft cries continue, closing my eyes from this cruel world I beg God to take me, to take away my pain.
    “My lady.” My eyes open slowly to see several guards standing a few feet away from where I lie. Their eyes roam over me, pity, disgust, and confusion shines through all except one — his head bald, his eyes hold nothing.
    “Get away from me,” I whisper before closing my eyes again. Shutting out the world.
    “My lady your mother asks for you to return.”
    My anger rises and with it so do I. “Get away from me,” I bite out each word. How dare she. All the guards stand still, none of them making a move to leave. My hands ball into fists and my body shakes with the injustice of this. Each guard’s spirit flares to life, all tainted with blood that they have spilt, the guard with the bald head has the darkest spirit. My eyes scan them one more time before I tug and they all take a dishevelled step forward. Each looking around confused, I find myself smiling as I tug again, harder this time. One of the guards falls to his knees.
    “My lady we are not here to harm you,” the bald guard speaks and I grip his spirit, he doesn’t flinch, but his body shakes as he fights me. One guard moves towards me and I do something I never knew was possible, I squeeze his spirit. The air cuts off from his lungs, his face grows gray and I tear it from his body. His spirit flees, his body hits the ground hard. I still hold the bald man’s spirit, blood drips from his nose and ears. The other three guards take a step back and I roar with anger. Grabbing all three I pull them back until they hit the ground hard — two rise quickly, drawing their swords and I throw my head back and laugh before ripping the soul from the guard who still lies on the ground. I don’t give the body a second glance before I turn to the two who have drawn their swords. The third man with the bald head just watches them, his hand on the hilt of his