Being a Boy Read Online Free PDF

go to a mirror and find peace with the colour of your skin. All skin colours are cool whether it’s ‘alabaster white’ or ‘mocha’ or ‘deep mahogany’ – cheesy authors use these terms all the time because they’re ALL good.
HERE ARE SOME TRUTHS:
Fake tan smells of biscuits and looks well, fake. And you will look orange and patchy.
Real or sunbed tanning increases your risk of skin cancer massively.
    I don’t really know how I can make that clearer.
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    The most important thing I think I can teach you in this book is this: Unless you have a serious monobrow situation, NEVER, ever pluck your own eyebrows unless you want to look like a startled, off-duty drag queen. If you DO, all power to you, my fabulous friend.
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    TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS: I am covered in tattoos, so don’t want to sound like a hypocrite. Like hairstyles and clothes, certain types of body art go in and out of fashion.
    Unlike hair styles and clothes tattoos are permanent, unless you want to undergo expensive, potentially painful surgery later to have them removed. In 1999 a ‘tribal band’ was the height of cool, but by 2009 everyone was getting them covered up with ‘sleeve’ tattoos. You guessed it, they too fast became EVERYWHERE and I’m afraid a colourful tattooed sleeve can be remedied only by amputation (or painful and expensive laser removals).
    With body art I would suggest UNIQUENESS over absolutely anything else. If you’re serious about getting a tattoo, choose carefully. Who wants to be stuck with a Sporty-Spice-style Chinese lettering tattoo on their back just because the Spice Girls were ‘in’ once upon a time? (And I should know – guess whose back it’s etched on? Sigh.)
    Piercings, like tattoos, come in and out of fashion and the trendy bit to get pierced changes rapidly. Unlike tattoos, piercings can be removed and in time, the scars will heal.
    Do be wary however, when contemplating both tattoos and piercings, that even now many employers will be put off by visible body modification. Although daft and judgemental, some people have preconceived ideas of people with excessive body art. You have to find the balance between expression and life-hindrance.
SHOUTING AT CLOUDS:
    Y ou can change your hair and you can change your outfit three times a day, but, much like your face, there are some things you are just stuck with. Learning to love yourself * sniggers * takes YEARS, but eventually you sort of stop caring. Remember that there is nothing more uniformly boring than men who spend all their lives looking in the mirror. You have to find the happy medium between making yourself look good and accepting your saggy bits.
YOU CAN DO NOTHING ABOUT THE FOLLOWING THINGS:
Your height
Your weight, within reason. (Some of us are naturally slimmer than others, regardless of what we eat. Yep, the old ‘metabolism’ chestnut.)
Your skin colour
Your eye colour (Coloured contacts are weird and creepy.)
Your shoe size
Your penis size
    Yes it blows, but that’s the way it is. Take solace in the fact that EVERYONE IN THE WORLD has bits of their bodies that they hate, especially the gym bunnies – why do you think they hit the gym so hard? Basically it’s a worldwide party of self-loathing and you’re invited! Grab a drink and a cocktail sausage and let’s all be in it together!
    A final thought from CLEVER PSYCHOLOGISTS. You might notice that you have a wonky nose or whatever, but other people view you as a WHOLE rather than component parts, which is how we see ourselves. Therefore your wonky nose has little impact on a partner finding you attractive.
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    Myth Busting:
All that mad crap that lands in your junk e-mail folder offering pills, potions, creams, spells and enchantments to make your knob bigger are a total waste of time. They are trying to mug you.
Tugging on your schlong for three hours a day will do NOTHING to increase its size. Also, you can’t do your homework one-handed.
There is NO truth in rumours that