Because You Love Me (Falling for You, Book Three) Read Online Free PDF Page A

wasn't too late.

Chapter Four: Xander
    C oming home to silence, emptiness—it was my reality. In the rare circumstances when I walked through the door with enough energy to pour myself a drink instead of pouring myself into bed, I found a comfort in the solitude. My work day was filled with meetings and phone calls and a constant stream of conversations and decision making. When I came home, I could just coast. Put on some music and let jazz fill the quiet, or just bask in it before I faded into some restless dream.
    When I stepped over the threshold and the door thudded shut behind me, the sound echoed for what felt like a lifetime. I dropped my keys on the counter and soundlessly moved to the cabinet. I filled the glass with water, leaving the faucet on. I closed my eyes as I pretended I wasn't thinking about Penny's fingertips skating across the granite as she took in the kitchen with her gold flecked eyes.
    I shut off the faucet and chugged the contents in the glass, then dropped it into the sink with a bang. I unbuttoned my jacket and peeled it from my body. I yanked my tie loose and let it fall to the floor. I could care less what was on television, but I turned it on anyway, sinking into the couch, remote in hand. The numbing flipping of channels just intensified the ache that I was running from. We'd made love on this very couch. I'd looked deep into her eyes while our bodies connected in a way that made me lick my lips. Hungry for more of her.
    I put my feet up on the coffee table, the images flashing on the television screen a weak distraction that couldn't stand up to the truth. Hungry for more of her—if she were like all the rest then I'd be halfway to forgetting her completely the moment I lined up my next conquest. The mere idea of touching another woman did nothing for me at all. Letting Penny go wasn't an option and it had little to do with the way our bodies seemed destined to be together.
    My pride urged me to flip to sports, even though I was an ambivalent follower at best. Testosterone, competitiveness, and cocky analyzers; I needed something to combat all the romance shit that had invaded my head. The endless ticker of scores just reminded me that there were seconds going by, life was going on, and I couldn't shake the knowledge that life without Penny just didn't make sense.
    I shut off the TV with a groan. What the fuck was happening to me? Sitting here with knots in my throat and a heaviness that made me want to shut out all light sources and mourn. What was next? Ben and Jerry's? Calling up some therapist so I could share my feelings?
    Or you could call up the one person that matters. Share your feelings. All of them.
    I gripped the last shreds of my masculinity, kicking myself because I knew it wasn't so much my 'man' card being called into question as it was my stubbornness. And this was progress, wasn't it? I was going to call her. Again. Reach out. Again. I'd even managed to quiet the voice in my head that shouted that I hadn't done anything wrong. It wasn't about right and wrong and keeping score. I wasn't too proud to admit that letting Penny get away would be the biggest mistake of my life. If that meant that I needed to call and leave her messages until her mailbox was full, I'd do that. I'd wait outside her door, in between my meetings, send flowers to her school, show her that we had something worth fighting for.
    I flicked my thumb and landed on her contact, bringing up the message bubble, then deciding against it. I didn't want my words to get lost in translation. What needed to be said needed verbalization, my lips, my words, direct to her ears—and hopefully, her heart.
    Every ring seemed louder than the last, hope flickering wildly. Dangerously. Just when I was ready to accept that I'd be leaving another message, the rings ceased.
    The line was silent, so I glanced at the screen to make sure the call was still connected. It was.
    "Hello?" I asked tentatively.
    I heard a rustling,