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was being born again in the world retraining my muscles understanding my pain.
    In time I developed a daily routine. I would wakein the morning or what I presumed was the morning because when I began to think about it I saw that it was impossible to tell what time of day it was. It always seemed to be hot and light I never saw the darkness come or go and I had no watch so I simply told myself that it was morning when I woke. Every morning then I would lever myself stiffly out of bed. Every morning I would pay attention to the level of pain in my leg and in my chest and in my body as a whole. Every day on waking I was seized with a panic a kind of fear that the pain would be worse that something would have gone wrong in the night that I would not be able to move because if this happened it would be the end. But in fact every day the pain was either the same or a little better. I would lever myself out of bed and I would lie on the floor and slowly I would stretch and flex every part of my body until I felt I was ready to move.
    Then I would open the door and I would go outside into the white heat. Every morning after I had stretched and flexed life back into my body I would step out into the air to remind me where I was to remind me of my life. I would take the jerry can with me and slowly I would hobble and shuffle on my splinted leg across the yard and through the wooden gate. As my confidencehad grown and my body had come back to me I had begun to explore the place. The first priority had been to find water and beyond the gate and down the track I had found a place where a small stream pooled and the water seemed clean and fresh. Every day I would fill the can with as much water as I could carry. Then I would hobble and shuffle back up to the house dragging the can behind me and pour myself several mugs of it and sit at the table and drink slowly and feel the water echo down my throat and into my stomach because this was life. After that I would light a fire and heat water for tea even if I didn’t want any. I would eat a little bread though not too much because I needed to ration it. I had no idea where to find any more food or how I would get there even if I knew. While it lasted I ate chocolate and every other day I would allow myself some painkillers if I needed them.
    I would sit by the fire as it warmed willing it into my body holding my hands over it feeling the heat rise. I would make tea and drink it at its hottest feel it scald my lips my tongue my throat feel the life burning down into me. I would stand and walk around the room. All day I would try not to sit or lie still for too long. I had decided that I must train my body back into working shape. Making a fire tending the fire drinkingwater collecting water moving through the door out of the house back into the house in the white heat of the day and the white heat of the night. There was nothing else. Nothing seemed to change nothing seemed to move but every day I was sure my head was clearer every day I was sure the pain was less and less.
    At first I started counting the days but I soon gave up. Perhaps it has been about three weeks since I opened my eyes out in the yard. This is my best guess. Three weeks of sleeping eating drinking collecting water walking slowly around the stone. Three weeks of the white heat that is everywhere three weeks of the silence. Three weeks of slowly gathering strength. I am lying here now on the bed but the splint is gone. I untied the rope and unwound it a few days ago. It was a risk but I think it has paid off. I can put a little weight on the leg now and the knee looks more like a knee again. I have been using the former splint as a walking stick because I still can’t walk properly though I have come a long way. My leg is straighter though still not as straight as I think it should be. I still get headaches. It is still hot and white and quiet. There are no birds no sounds outside I hear nothing. I am sweating again as I