Bad Chili Read Online Free PDF Page A

if she needed a middle-aged man in her life, about my size and disposition, with an ugly ass and a bald spot.
    Probably not.
    I even thought about the
Boobs and Butts
magazine in the drawer, but I had such a strong constitution I didn’t turn on the light and take it out for a look. . . .
    Well, just a brief one.
     
    I finally drifted off, but the sound of hospital business jarred me awake all night. In spite of what one might think, the hospital is not a place to rest. Someone is always coming in to look in on you, or take your temperature, or someone is laughing or crying in the hall, or banging stuff around. I awoke feeling as if I had climbed Mt. Everest and fallen off, only to be discovered by an abominable snowman and taken home to his cave to be his love puppy.
    I had my breakfast, which was a little better than having to chase it down myself on all fours and eat it raw. After breakfast I saw Brett again, briefly, long enough for her to take my temperature. I was going to try and talk her out of her phone number, but she seemed considerably more businesslike this morning, harried. Maybe it was the bald spot. I just smiled and spoke politely. She finished and went away, left me with her perfume again. I asked an orderly her last name, but he didn’t know it.
    I waited for Brett to come back, but she didn’t show. A nurse with a face like a callused fist that had been punched through glass came in instead and insisted I have the glucose put back in my arm. I insisted it not go.
    She went away in a huff and threatened to tell my doctor. I half expected Sylvan to show up, ready to paddle me.
    Couple hours later another nurse came in. She was about Brett’s size, and even reminded me of her a little — without the charm, the foul mouth, and the red hair. She looked like a younger, calmer brunette sister.
    I said, “You’re going to try and make me put that thing in my arm, it isn’t going to work.”
    She laughed at me. “I came in to tell you Brett likes you.”
    “Wow,” I said. “I feel like I’m in high school again. Next thing you know, we’ll be using you to pass notes.”
    “She didn’t tell me to tell you, I just wanted you to know. She’s a friend of mine. She told me she was interested in you. She could use someone in her life. Someone that isn’t a crud. You aren’t a crud, are you, Mr. Collins?”
    “Gee, I don’t think so. What’s your name?”
    “Ella Maine.”
    “Thanks, Ella.”
    “You’re welcome.”
    “Did she tell you what she likes about me?”
    “Your sense of humor.”
    “Not my eyes? My noble chin? My dazzling smile? My throbbing pectorals?”
    “Your sense of humor.”
    “That beats nothing,” I said.
    “Mr. Collins?”
    “Yep.”
    “Treat her right.”
    “She gives me half the chance, I will.”
    “Don’t tell her I spoke to you. It might embarrass her.”
    “I don’t think she embarrasses that easy.”
    Ella laughed. “Now that you mention it, neither do I.”
    A few minutes after Ella departed, Charlie Blank came in. He had an expression on his face like a man who had just been told he was going to have to swallow and pass a bowling ball, then bowl a strike with it. He didn’t ask to look at my ass.
    “Leonard?” I asked. “He okay?”
    “I don’t know.”
    “What do you mean, you don’t know?”
    “I mean I don’t know. I went by his place this morning. Knocked. He didn’t answer. Seein’ how you been callin’, not gettin’ him, I got a little nervous. I picked the lock and went in, but he wasn’t there. I looked to see anyone had stuffed him in the closets or tried to cut him up in the bathtub. No Leonard. Not even a cut-up one. The bed hadn’t been slept in, though he really ought to wash those sheets. Nothing looked out of place, but where the fuck is he? Tight as you guys are, it’s not like Leonard to go off without at least tellin’ you.”
    “You think it’s foul play? That what you’re sayin’?”
    “I ain’t sayin’ it’s