Backstage Dirty (The Savage Light Rockers #1) Read Online Free PDF Page A

over and over again in his head since it happened. He wasn’t ashamed—although he probably should be—that he had beaten off to that night like it was a broken reel in his head. But he knew they had shared something special that night, and knew in his heart that she had felt the same way, too. He had finally been with the girl he had been in love with nearly his whole fucking life, but then shit had hit the fan once it was all said and done. It had been one big fucking slap to his face when she had grown distant and then just up and left like what they had done hadn’t meant anything to her. He tried to wrap his head around what he had done to make their nearly lifelong friendship grow cold and uncomfortable all because they had had sex. Yeah, they had been drinking, but he sure as hell had known what the fuck he had been doing. He had thought about it a lot—a fucking lot—and the only conclusion that made sense was that she regretted it. She sure as shit acted into it when they were doing it, but once it was said and done she totally acted like he had just been some guy she fucked and it didn’t mean anything.
    A lot of shit had gone through his head in the years after that, and he had used that heartache, emptiness, and rage that had grown after his pussy -whipped feelings had been discarded to write the music that had helped the band get to the top.
    He continued to stare at her, watched as a smile formed across her face when she waved at Beats from across the room, and knew that it was his own feelings and emotions over the past and their relationship that had caused his anger. Tanner was not the type of person to do anything intentional for the sake of hurting someone. He hadn’t told her how much he had cared for her, that even though they had that one night of drunken sex that it had meant so fucking much to him, so he couldn’t be pissed at her for leaving like she had. Clearly she had been scared. How could she not be when she had just given her virginity to a boy she had known her whole life, and one that she considered her best friend?
    “Sir? Do you need anything else?”
    Jacks looked over at the bartender. The younger guy was wearing that black and white tuxedo bullshit that his company probably made him put on for shit like this. He should have just come in a faded t-shirt and a pair of holey jeans. At least then he would have fit in to a party like this. “Yeah, give me a double of Crown.” Jacks needed that little surge of alcohol to get through tonight, because as it was he felt off-balance, and he hadn’t felt like that since he had been a teenager.
    The bartender nodded once and set him up in a matter of seconds.
    He slid the shot glass toward him and Jacks tossed it back. The burn of the alcohol moving down his throat felt good, really damn good. “Another one.” Now Jacks was the one to slide the shot glass to the guy, and once he had it refilled he tossed that one back, too. He took the three bottles of beer back of to the girls, handed them each one, and started drinking his own as he looked around the suit.
    “This is an insane party , Jacks.” Zoe had to yell over the music to be heard.
    Jacks smiled down at her and nodded. It wasn’t the craziest party that Savage Light had ever attended, at least not yet. There was no doubt that a few jokers in this place were packing coke, and although he didn’t touch the stuff, and the rest of the band didn’t—not anymore at least—it was still an unavoidable part of this lifestyle.
    “You guys care if I go hang out with Beats?” Zoe asked, and even though the music was loud and bumping Jacks could hear a longing note in her voice. Before either of them could answer she was heading over to Savage Light’s drummer. He sat in one of the white leather couches, and although there were a handful of women hanging around him, he told them to leave with a wave of his hand when Zoe stepped up to him.
    “She still carries a torch for him.”