Awake in Hell Read Online Free PDF Page B

of sky blue carpet, at a woman standing behind a counter
holding a clipboard. She’s looking at me expectantly with a Vanna -White
smile plastered on her face. I think she’s the phone chick.
    “Ms.
Patterson! So happy you made it... glances at her watch... finally.” Yep,
that’s her.
    “Sorry,”
I say, with just a touch of my panic stricken inside-my-head voice bleeding
through, “there was some confusion in the lobby.”
    I’m
creeping along as I’m talking like this is totally normal behavior for someone
who is trying to get a job. I wonder for a minute about how many folks are
interviewing today, how many other pathetic Hellions are hoping that they can
get a real “second chance” from The Second Chance Temp Agency. Then I wonder,
for just a moment, about how ridiculous I really am compared to everyone else
they’ve seen, today or any day. I get to a window and freeze. Holy shit, Can I
look outside and see Hell from 37 stories above? I look and see nothing, and
then I turn my head back to the reception area and still see nothing. Dammit,
now I have to negotiate my way to Vanna totally
blind. Then it suddenly occurs to me, that I am the most ridiculous person I’ve
ever seen. I’m probably a total freak show to everybody here, “Like Lady Gaga
in a nunnery,” I say under my breath. I keep on feeling for the wall, now for
the added reason, of not being able to see, combined with the overwhelming fear
of falling through the floor.
    “It’s
just me and Will who have seen your reaction, Louise.”
says Vanna . “And, you’ll be pleased to know that you
are our only appointment today.”
    Can
she read my mind???
    “Yes.”
she says with a grin that I still can’t see but is obviously there. “And, while
you are the only appointment today I feel I must remind you that you’re now 7
minutes late for your very first meeting.”
    You
know, for a woman who is facing eternity, this bitch sure gets all worked up
over the concept of time. Crap, she probably heard that. I’m going to have to
watch what I think as well as what I say around here, what with Vanna -the-ever-cheerful-receptionist inside my head.
    “My
name is Gabby, Louise. And open your eyes. You can see now.”
    I
open my eyes and to my dismay I’ve not made it as far as I thought. I’m still
about 50 feet away from the reception desk, and there doesn’t seem to be any
other way to get to it but to walk across the room. So, I take a deep breath
and take a step forward. Then I panic again. Then I fall to my knees and start
crawling. Yep, I’m crawling to Gabby. This job is in the bag, don’t you think?
    I
finally make it to the counter and pull myself up as if I’m hanging off a
ledge. “I’m sorry.” I say with a shaky voice. “I’m just not used to being so
high... well, far up I mean.”
    Why
did I feel the need to establish that? Like maybe she would think I was under
the influence? It’s like Will said, drugs don’t work here anyway.
    Okay,
so when I was breathing, I was kind of smart. “Kind of” because I was great at
puzzles, very quick on my feet with a joke, had an awesome memory, tested
well... you know, that kind of smart. But I was also incredibly,
mind-numbingly, stubbornly stupid sometimes. I remember reading on a bathroom
wall once, “A wise man learns from others, a fool must learn from experience.”
I remember digging through my purse for a pen so that I could scratch, “I’m a
fool then!” proudly under it. I believed in the school of hard knocks. I
thought whoever tells me not to do shit that they did, then turn around and
talk about a person being the sum of all their experience, is either a fucking
hypocrite or assumes that I’m an idiot.  One who required spoon feeding
instead of being free to have the same “growth” experiences they had. And I
talked. A lot. Way too much. I talked and talked and talked about what I was
doing, who I was doing it to, and I talked to the wrong people. There were
times