Awake in Hell Read Online Free PDF

has to be on one of those pulley
cart things 24/7, with a super squeegee and a lifetime supply of Windex, to
keep just one of these buildings in this condition. Yet, I’ve never seen anyone
on a pulley cart thing. Not once. Of course, I can’t really see all the way to
the top of the buildings, because of the whole
fuck-up-your-eyes-whenever-you-look-up situation. Anyway, that was what I was
thinking when I walked into the lobby of the agency. So, I was distracted and
didn’t hear when a guy started calling my name.
    “Louise!”
    “Louise
Patterson!”
    “Louise?”
    “Last
call for Louise Patterson?”
    Then,
this really young guy with a sweet face and a slight build, which happened to
be dressed like a monkey on an organ grinder, steps back into the elevator and
says “Another no show. Man, the folks down here really are a bunch of head
cases...”
    Wait.
Did he just say my name? Why did he say “down here”? Did he just call me a head
case?
    “WAIT!”
I yell as the elevator doors begin to close. “I’m Louise Pat...”
    The
doors shut. ‘Great job dumbass.’ I think to myself. ‘You made it as far as the
lobby.’ That was what I was thinking. But while I was thinking that, I was
apparently yelling this:
    “FUCK FUCK FUCKITY FUCK!”
    And
I was only halfway through this particular expletive escapade when the elevator
doors re-opened.
    There
was monkey suit boy staring at me with a bemused look on his face. “Well then,
step on up for the ride of your life, Ms. Patterson!”
    Now,
I’m really about to hurl. I’ve fucked this up 7 ways from bloody Sunday and I
haven’t even gotten to the office yet. So, I decide to use the one skill I
happen to have...the skill of seduction. I check my reflection in the elevator
doors and start swishing my hair around, and open my eyes really wide, trying
to make them look more doe- ish .
    “So,
obviously you know my name, what’s yours?” I ask in my sweetest tone.
    “I’m
called Will, ma’am” He really is just adorable, with big brown eyes hiding
underneath a mop of dirty blond hair. I would describe him as middle-America
average, but I’m sure there are some girls in the small town he grew up in who
are still dreaming of him.
    “Oh
Will...” I say giggling like a schoolgirl, “Don’t call me Ma’am, it makes me
feel like I should ask you if your Mom is home!” Giggle, giggle... damn this is
hard when you’re on the verge of a total panic attack.
    Will,
the Monkey Suit Boy looked at me and started to laugh! That’s a first for me,
and not a pleasant one. Most men on earth would be panting by this time, if not
out of sincere interest, at least because an obviously-easy, hot girl targeted
him for some reason and he’s about to have a heart attack.
    “Okay,
Louise” Will, the monkey-boy, says with a hint of condescension, “First, Will
is not short for “Willing.” And second, don’t worry, I’m not going to tell the
boss that you attempted to implode our lobby with F-bombs, okay?” he laughs in
a conspiratorial way.
    Relief.
“Thanks, Will.” Okay, so Will is a bit of a dick, but at this point I’ll take
it. “You don’t have a Xanax on you, do you Will?” I ask, only kind-of kidding.
    “Nope.
But drugs don’t work here anyway, so you’re just going to have to shove the
stuffing back in, zip up, and... here we are! Floor
37— welcome to the agency, Louise.”
    I’m
on the 37th floor? Now my panic attack is accompanied by a weird sense of
vertigo. How long has it been since I’ve been this far up in the air? I can’t remember.
Partially because I don’t know how long I’ve been dead and partially because of
my Swiss cheese memory from when I was alive. I give Will, the Monkey Boy a
weak smile and edge out of the elevator along the wall. I’m suddenly feeling
very acrophobic. If I were actually breathing I would have fainted by now. I
cling to the wall, on the far side of the office, and look across what seems
like miles and miles