Awake Read Online Free PDF Page A

again, or just Reed, as he tells me when I try to call him doctor.
    “The bravest choice, Erin, is always to be here in the world with all its beauty and all its problems,” he says. He’s not talking about today; he’s talking about last weekend. I can only imagine what a doctor could see in my eyes when my blood was on fire with intoxicants.
    “Is this the doctor talking or the yogi?” I say.
    “Now I am just a person who’s been there.”
    “There’s nothing happening, trust me,” I say slightly annoyed.
    Reed makes up a plate of mostly cantaloupe. “Isolation and emptiness are the henchmen of nothing,” he says. “There were these lines in an old B movie I saw long ago. They have saved me from despair ever since. The sun is good. Follow the light and beware the night .”
    “That was Lyric, right?” I tease. “Because that definitely did not sound like a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon.”
    When he smiles at my jab I feel relief until he seems to look right past me. “Oh, there he is,” the doctor says. “Wade. I’d almost forgotten.”
    I really don’t understand what’s happening at first, but my blood turns cold and hot at the same time. I’m suddenly aware my mouth is dry. The name Wade escapes my lips in a whisper as the good doctor reaches out to shake the hand of someone coming up behind me.
    I notice my stepmother and the table of sweaty yoga groupies all turning to us flashing hungry grins. I want to disappear. I fucking came here to disappear. I have not showered and now I’m sweaty.
    “Hey, Doc,” Wade says just inches behind my ear.
    I’m at a loss as to what do so I walk away without even looking at him. Reed grabs my arm. I miss Lyric. Lyric would never grab my arm and pull me back into such disharmonious feelings.
    “Erin,” Reed says, “I want you to meet someone.”
    And there he is, mister man candy himself. Wade Donovan. He clutches two big bags of groceries to his hard chest. What feels like hot lightning erupting in my belly and chest makes me fight off a tickling sensation. I really would like to be smashed up hard against his muscular pectorals. No use in denying the simple truth.
    “We’ve already met, Doc,” Wade says with a devious sparkle in his eyes. “Erin and I are old friends.”
    “Really?” Reed says authentically surprised.
    “Yep,” I say without passion. I know Wade’s sparkling eyes are remembering my discarded panties and I don’t like it.
    “I have the cooking supplies,” Wade says as he sets the bags down on a brick counter next to a giant brick barbecue.
    “Excellent,” Reed say. “This will give a little extra boost in the offerings today. I think the people of Boyle Heights will really enjoy it.”
    “Hope so,” Wade says.
    “Let me say goodbye to the ladies and we’ll be on our way,” Reed says as he squeezes Wade’s shoulder and walks over to my stepmother and her coven of rich friends.
    Alone with Wade. I have nothing to say. For the first time, he seems uncomfortable in my presence. I fixate on his half-unsnapped shirt and the simple gunmetal black ring at the end of his brown leather necklace.
    “You’re searching,” Wade says curiously.
    “Excuse me?” I say.
    “Last week, shrooms. This week, yoga.”
    “And this is your business, how?”
    He grins. “It’s not, but I think it’s good.”
    “Oh my god, you’re arrogant,” I say. “I’m beginning to understand.”
    His smile vanishes. Thank, God.
    “Understand what?” he asks.
    Now I grin and enjoy his increasing discomfort. I won’t tell him his leggy fiancée is the most arrogant girl on Earth. “Nothing,” I finally say with a dismissive wave. “How does one cook for the people of Boyle Heights? You’re going to need more than two bags, by the way.”
    “The bags are just the spices,” he clarifies.
    “Wow, that’s a lot of spices.”
    “We’re feeding four hundred today,” Reed says as he grabs the bags. “It’s cinco de Mayo. You should come