Augustino and the Choir of Destruction Read Online Free PDF Page A

one must simply wait and not flee, hands cut by the glass, and Mère’s fingers hurt only remotely as in a dream, there Mélanie was beside Daniel in Chuan’s flowered courtyard, and Mère dared not look at her for fear of loving her too much, all they could talk about was how well Samuel was doing in New York in Arnie Graal, his teacher’s, latest choreography, it was wrong that Mère felt more love for her daughter than for the others, even Samuel and Augustino whom she adored, but Mère could not touch the heart of all these young beings anymore, it was a world she couldn’t reach anymore, thinking of Mai was as dizzying as any moonscape, who knows what it was filled with, all the perils life held piling up around that little head which bowed to no one, while Mélanie would rather have a sweet, cuddly child, all-seeing Mélanie had noticed the trembling right hand but said nothing, she had felt the glass slivering away, my fingers gushing blood on the edges, thought Mère the way she would like to have said to Mélanie, my thoughts pouring out to you, perhaps also a flood of thankful tears at having borne you, Mère did not say these words out loud, all they discussed was Samuel’s success in New York, and in still another dream, perhaps in ancient temples or in a Scottish castle, the dimensions of the place were overwhelming, one could see the rows of mortuary rooms, dressed all in furs, Mère approached one of them, removing her furs and jewels as she went, and knowing fearfully all the while that she was never leaving this place, temples, morbid nests, Mère was walled up, in another dream, she and Augustino were out looking for Mai and got lost themselves off the polar shores, what were they doing so far away calling Mai and getting no answer, Mai where are you cried Augustino, it was the day Jean-Mathieu’s ashes were scattered off The-Island-Nobody-Owns, when Mai had disappeared just after being photographed by Caroline, they called out to her all along the oceanfront, and she never answered, turning up only in the evening under some Australian pines, and in this dream, she continued to refuse to answer, Mère and Augustino had swum in freezing waters beneath packs of ice all the way to an iceberg, and there Augustino saw a bureau with Mai inside it, but we have no key to open it, he said, then suddenly they heard a voice begging them, Grandma, Augustino, I’m here, let me out, and Mère awoke from the weight of these dreams thinking she would no longer be there to help Mai grow up when Mélanie was in Washington, the nanny Marie-Sylvie really only felt overwhelming affection for Vincent, and Daniel had already been forced to forbid her to take him to the seaside, even on windless days, she might be responsible for more of his repeated episodes, Samuel’s boat Southern Light tempted them toward the waves, Southern Light , said Vincent, Southern Light , and he may have loved Marie-Sylvie more than his own mother, and it may have been to Mai’s detriment that they never left each other’s side, and Mère again thought, yes, it’s true, one day or one night, I’ll not open my eyes, not see my daughter Mélanie, so many regrets, especially at being so far from perfect, I’ll miss her, she is so attentive, I’ll say to myself I did everything there was to do here, at least all I could, but was it really enough, things will go on without me, manoeuvres, battles, cities decimated under a rain of missiles, generals, ministers taking refuge from the sound of these bombings on women, men and children in their country-house for the weekend, life is well-worn habit for the good and the evil, that I will no longer be able to talk about with my daughter, what is a successful life anyway, Marie Curie herself never knew, the upright and misogynist Pasteur grew old, a young woman who might have been resplendent wore herself down acquiring